Day 72- Day 93

I'm writing this blog for no one in particular anymore, just so you know. If we can reflect back for a moment, all the way back to when I had even less a life than I do now (yes, 'tis possible), I updated this thing constantly and obsessively didn't I? Oh, I remember purchasing cheap bottles of wine whilst in Canada, or some much cheaper soju (after settling in Korea) and just sitting. Adequate that my ass would hold me up indefinitely, I would type and edit, type and edit for hours on end, occasionally pausing to either visit an all-night convenience store in Korea for some ramen or to nip a sip or 5 from my moms sad liquor cabinet (what kind of a mother marks her liquor bottles to dissuade her 28-year old son from having a nightcap, honestly?). Eventually I'd click 'Publish Post' thereby unleashing my fears, dreams, and observations onto the busy road of the internet in the hope that some similarly lost whiner out for a drive would either get out to pet, stroke, and love me or just run me over in a way they saw fit (my Dad beeped his horn at me by calling this blog 'boring' but I survived with only a broken heart and a hangover).

According to my sitemeter, where I can monitor how many 'hits' I get like the true needy blogger I am...90% of the people who visit my blog still find me purely by accident (like a prospector to gold I says) when they've entered the words, "Korean" and "Virgin" into Google. They stay, according to my voyeuristic sitemeter, for no more than 5 seconds or so, just enough time to scan quickly through my repetitive musings (in the hopes that perhaps I'd elected to fully embrace the clever pun of the blog title by adding some boobs) before surfing right back out into the ocean of the internet, constantly aware of the flaccidity tsunami that eventually well...drains life away!

I wrote that last entry about 45 minutes ago, because since then 'The Bourne Identity' came on TV. What an awesome movie. I wish I was Jason Bourne (sans the danger, bruises, and amnesia) just another regular guy with really cool skills.

Let me think of the ways I can compare myself to Jason Bourne. Just for fun:

1- We both speak different languages. While Bourne is fluent in several handy ones, I can barely mutter myself to work (most of the time the older Korean cab drivers are curt to me, quickly breaking my paper thin defense barriers before raping and pillaging my emotions.) Only love managed to scale Jason Bournes wall.

"I love you!" is Saron-Ay-yo (by the way!)

2- Jason Bourne once explained tersely (not to me unfortunately) that he could run flat out for half a mile before his hands began to shake. I ran to Domino's pizza the other day and had to pee in a nearby bush within half a mile. I'll have you know, I didn't shake either (dribbles apparently come out easier than lost memories).

3- Neither of us know what we are meant to do, but still we try (him much harder than I) to figure it out. He is being chased by agents and villains, whilst I am being doggedly pursued by father time. Eventually he'll catch me and punish me by taking my life (or reward me for you optimists!)...he'll take you too by the way (not Jason Bourne though who will live forever in the dreams of girls and some boys)

4- He gives a female companion $10,000 for a ride to Paris in the bitter cold, while a month ago I paid w10,000 to an old Korean woman so she'd drive me home! (she was also curt and most proficient in raping and pillaging said emotions)

Gosh, I just can't pay attention tonight (its Saturday evening here, so I should be larynx deep in Hite beer by now). I've spent the past hour and a bit watching The Bourne Identity and reading this great blog about the crazy sexism that Korea is all about.

http://thegrandnarrative.wordpress.com/category/korean-sexism/

Anyways, the guy who writes it really has hit the nail on the head - from the advertising, to the workplace, to the clothing choices. I'd give it a read, it'll give you a great perspective on Korea that usually I only hear from jaded feminists (who definitely know what they're talking about, but sometimes can't be taken seriously as the huge chips on their shoulders tend to poke me in the eye). By the way, I am not talking about you Liz so put the scissors back (better make a pot of coffee just to be on the safe side!)

So anywhoo - as I try to avoid staring compulsively at the never-stopping hourglass that is my life (that's not meant to be a morbid comment, just a poor 'dust in the wind' kind of musing) I know I have to stop being such a lazy asshole.

Its not fear anymore, its just plain laziness.

I'm surprised I even wrote a blog.