Back from the DMZ

So I am trying to write this damn blog about the DMZ but it is running very long, and this is without pictures - so it'll be up in a day or so (hopefully).

Since Sophia (my girlfriend) has an extremely slow computer I put up a different blog "the Virgin Traveller's Travels" so once I actually post it you can read it from there without having to reload the Virgin Traveller page every time. Your welcome Sophia.

I have a bad cold and am considering calling in sick tomorrow.

Just thought you'd like to know.

Leaving for the DMZ

Today I have been dating my beautiful girlfriend Sophia for a ball-crunching 5 years. Since I am not in Canada to wine and dine her and generally devote the whole day to her happiness, I am going to do the next best thing by escorting girlfriend #2 Kevin (of Naked Fun Spa Time fame) all the way up past Seoul to check out whats really going on in the DMZ (the Demilitarized Zone - or Dangerous Machinegun Zone).



This particular tour is led by the USO (United States Organization)- so many foreigners here won't go on this tour because they believe that by doing so they are directly supporting the war effort. When confronted with this I usually stare blankly at the accuser until they realize that they have just spoken to the least-informed person in the world, and wasted valuable air telling me their radical feelings.



We are leaving by slow-train tonight (Friday) at 11pm and about 5 1/2 hours later will arrive at Seoul Station. After grabbing a coffee I will then for my own safety (and modesty) have to take refuge in the bathroom where I will undergo a radical transformation from the sleek, hip dynamo look (spiky-haired jogging-pants loving bum) to a conservative (and politically informed!) young man. Included with the directions and such from the USO was a list of forbidden 'things' such as: no denim of any type (it is like Kryptonite to the North Koreans), no t-shirts, no jogging pants (dammit!), no running shoes, etc. Also, in section 2 it states: "In addition, shaggy or unkempt hair, or faddish hairstyles and colors, excessive body piercing, etc. are not permitted."

Uh-oh!

Having tossed my khakis years ago along with my various turtlenecks I guess I'll have to wear some black dress pants and a dress shirt (but I will leave a few buttons opened as an act of sexy defiance a la "Make love, nor War") and some dress shoes which won't be of much help when we enter into the tunnels of aggression (more on that when I return!)



If I return of course.

Just because...

I don't know exactly why, but I liked this video. Maybe its because these two hens come out of nowhere to break up this fight, or the fact that they stare the rabbits down like angry school teachers before walking calmly away.

How I lost a couch I never got to sit on.

Have you seen my money?

As I sit writing this blog on my little blue chair I can't help but wonder what the couch I once thought of getting would've looked like, what it may have felt like...would I have used it only for sitting? Or maybe sleeping when I couldn't be bothered to walk 2 feet over to my bed? I guess I'll never know. More on that later.

Dreaming of the couch that I would lose later that night while these 2 dreamed of more beer.



Since todays Sunday that means tomorrow is Monday and month 4 in Korea is officially underway.

Friday night (Blakes birthday) was fun. We met at her place and drank until about 11:30pm (2 1/2 hours past my usual bedtime) and after cabbing it to a chicken place we went to this nearby bar to drink pints of beer that sit in individual chilled holders at your table (I can't be bothered to explain it, but every place in Canada should be required to have them).

Chicken place


After that we ended up at this popular foreigner bar and drank even more. At one point I recall dancing by myself near a tiny stage to an old 80's song - you've all seen him before - the drunk guy in the bar dancing by himself. And yes just like the drunk guy dancing with his eyes half-closed I also felt at that instant I must've looked very cool. Thats what alcohol does to you - aside from taking away your couch it takes away a few fine motor skills: walking, talking, and better judgment.

The next day I woke up and prepared my liver for yet another day of drinking as I was going to be meeting up with Kevin (he of the Naked Fun Spa Time fame) and this guy named Keith (who I met when I didn't climb Jirisan mountain a month or so back). I had been told that drinking in the stadium was cool, but I didn't know if I would be secretly drinking it while Koreans turned a blind eye at me - again, I was wrong. The stadium was pretty packed and every nearby convenience store was stocked to the roof with nearly frozen plastic pitchers of beer. They also gave you some handy little dixie cups with your beer should the children sitting nearby get thirsty after their SoJu popsicles. We met up with Blake and a bunch of her friends (all from the night before) and after paying $2 for our tickets on the 3rd base line we settled down and drank.

Our view from the first place we stayed


Our seats - Koreans put newspaper on them to keep your butt warm, and when the game gets exciting you can make a little pom-pom out of the warm newspaper.

I ate 2 of these things sold to me by some old Korean woman who worked for 7-11. At first she seemed annoyed that one of the girls we were with was drinking beer (no idea why) but her demeanor quickly changed as we emptied her supply of these disgusting delicacies (they were only $1 each), now she can finally go to college.

Eating pogos with a friendly guy named Ryan (he ate 4)

Eventually we changed areas and ended up high in the nosebleeds with tons of drunk Koreans all wanting to chug their drinks with us whiteys and hug us.

Some drunk Koreans with some drunk Canadians.


What was nice about the baseball game was aside from the Korean love of the wave (which went on for several minutes at a time, while the players graciously stopped the game until we were ready to watch them again) the Koreans would break out into various cheers from the simple chant to this complex patriotic song that turned the place into one big Noraebahng (Korean karaoke). It was fun.

Posing with beer makes everything alright!


After that Kevin, Keith and I decided to meet up later and head out to one of Koreas few casinos (no Koreans are allowed in, so its basically an international crowd) with Keiths girlfriend Gabrielle.

My last meal that is not bread and water.


Nervous about my gambling skills with Blackjack I watched Keith and Gabe play for a while until I tried my hand at it. People all around me were winning and I happily thought, "I want to win money too!". Long story short and several free scotches later I was drunk and down from a soft couch to a little wooden stool (I lost that after trying roulette once on my way out - '7' a lucky number my floor-loving ass). At about 4am I bid goodnight to everyone and stumbled away - the only consolation is how I can now say "I lost 300 thousand at the casino".

And he never gambled while drinking scotch again.

Hard bench meet my butt - you'll be together for a long time.

4 months tomorrow.

uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.....its Friday! And it'll be the 4 month anniversary of my arrival in this country. 1/3 done! Which is kinda good and kinda bad.

Whats happened this week? Well I do know that at least once or twice a day I've found myself saying, "Oh I have to put this in my little blog" after somethings happened. But by the time I've found a suitable piece of scrap paper to write my observation/complaint on I either forgot what I was going to mention or just plain forgot that I was going to write something in the first place.

From what I can remember some classes drove me nuts while in others I drove them nuts. I know one poor class had to put up with me explaining comparatives and superlatives using the word 'good'. Naturally instead of 'teaching' them good - better- best I 'taught' them good - gooder - goodest. They were very patient with me after I realised my faux pas 25 minutes into the lesson (and after several drawings that I felt best represented the grammar - me with muscles, me with athletic trophies). Come to think of it, that entire day (Wednesday I think?) was filled with me feeling horribly brain-dead in front of the students. Again, it was like that episode of the Simpsons when Homer becomes a teacher and starts his class by standing there going, "ummm...uhhh....no talking!...ummmm.....okay, so uhhh...". I spilled coffee on myself and others, then feeling sticky and sad I snuck out of work to eat some Bi Bim Bap (comfort food) and promptly dropped some kimchi on my coffee stained-shirt.

Soon after one 'adorable' little boy told me I was gross after seeing my stains. I couldn't fault 'Tom' though, as his English had gotten 'gooder' since I last saw him.

Oh yeah, on Tuesday I thought a bank machine ate my money (the screen started flashing red and shot my card back out to me with a receipt that I assumed said it gave me my money). After checking the last receipt in my wallet and concluding that I couldn't possibly have taken out more money since then, I freaked out and had Blake call the bank to explain my dilemma. Moments later some little Korean man was standing next to me (I think he lives inside the bank machines for such emergencies) and after a quick phone call he explained to me in broken annoyed English that I had indeed withdrawn more money a few days prior (I had suddenly recalled this without his help) and went on to tell me the exact time, place, and amount. At first I was worried he thought I was trying to rip off the bank - but his eyes clearly said "I guess stupid comes in all colors". It sure as hell does!

Went out with my work last night and had that 'entire-chicken-in-a-bowl' soup and after bidding them all a good night spent the next 4 hours drinking beer in front of the convenience store at the bottom of my building with several other foreigners. One guy was from California another from Scotland, a couple from New Zealand and lots of Canadians. I guess this happens a fair bit in the summer. Everyday I'm told.

Tonight is a co-workers birthday (Blake) so I am going out with her and her friends to eat some chicken and drink lots of booze. The next day I am going with them to a baseball game where you are encouraged to bring lots of booze. Sunday I am attending a Korean wedding (always a bridesmaid, never the bride!) for my works secretary. I assume I should bring a classy liquor to sip on during the special vows.

Next week Kevin and I go to the DMZ! (Dangerous Machine-gun Zone)

8 more months left - but can my liver handle it?

Week 14?

Its Monday afternoon here in rainy South Korea. Its been raining off and on for the past few days which leads me to believe that we are heading into the rainy season. Oh well, all the more reason for me to stay inside and sleep!

Friday night I went out after work with a Korean co-worker named Terry. He's a really nice guy who has lived in Australia for 10 years so his English is better than mine (or maybe hes just more confident using it).

Anyways we ended up meeting four of our other Korean coworkers at some eel restaurant. In the cab on the way over we were stuck in traffic on this impossible small '2-lane' road - which was actually smaller than a 1-lane road back home. Cars were bascially scraping against the cement walls surrounding us and on top of that we were going down a hill while others were going up. A full city bus was also making its way up! Crazy.

At the restaurant each 'table' was in an individual tent on the roof of the place so we had to look in a bunch of 'curtain's to see where they were. After we found the women Terry ordered some SoJu and we began to drink. The eel was freshly killed, and I mean just killed. It was really thick and when you poked it with your chopstick it started wiggling angrily and twisting all around - people said it was their nerves, but after one large piece 'looked' directly at me and twisted itself inside out - I think otherwise. Stupid scary possessed eel. I still ate it because I was hungry but wasn't impressed. You eat it after wrapping it in a peice of lettuce and dunking it in hot sauce. Terry said he would take me out for 'dog' sometime. Sounds grrrrrrreat! Ha ha ha?

After that we ended up at some restaurant/bar near my place and drank some rice wine. It came in a busted up looking kettle and was cheap - so we had lots. The place was relatively empty save for the 13 South Korean soldiers (in full uniform) who were drinking next to us. At about 1am as we were leaving Terry walked up to the soldiers and bought them a round. Next thing I know we are drinking with them and stumbling out on to the street an hour later. Naturally, I had forgotten my camera but the memory of these guys bear-hugging me and saying, "I like you" is enough.

Saturday morning I woke up throughly hung-over and was surprised to see myself in full Korean uniform! No, I was just hungover. Since the best remedy for a hangover is a hot shower I had naked fun spa time with Kevin and after some food at a grill house we went to some bar that a couple of his friends were at.

Sunday morning I woke up throughly hungover and was surprised to see myself wearing Kevin's friends clothes, no, Sunday I met up with Kevin and we went to the International Market to look around. I'll go back again this week since there is a fair bit of black market stuff, and hopefully get some jeans, shoes, etc. - well basically a new wardrobe.

So thats that. Now I'm back to work.

Go-Carting for a dollar!

The go-carts I told you all about last week!


What I had for dinner tonight! I actually managed to use the phrase "This was a very good meal" in my garbled Korean. The woman replied, "I'm surprised you ate it all" in perfect English.


Blake on her Go-Cart!


Hi.

Tomorrows Friday! Its been a relatively normal week. Good weather here, pretty much sunny the entire time.

Nothing really new to talk about so I am just going to post some pictures.

Every English school has their own fleet of buses. Actually, every private school has their own buses as well (Tae Kwan Do, Math, etc.) If you don't have your own buses don't come to Korea okay? I said Okay?!


Today was my 'hell-day' so I came prepared for once in my life. For my one especially crazy class with 12 low-level high-energy students (coupled with a even lower-level teacher!) I brought pennies from Canada and explained in a very matter-of-fact voice that they were very valuable. It worked like I assumed - everytime any one of them acted up I simply stuck my hand in my pocket and shook the coins loudly (whilst playing a quick game of pocket pool!). Needless to say, they remained controlled, quiet, and attentive for most of the hour and it only cost me 12 cents. Hopefully it will work for 9 more months.

This is Grace. She is in another crazy class and is definitely the craziest one. She is a loud drama queen and the one who imitates me the best (she puts her hand in a fey gesture and says 'guys guys c'mon guys?' with my trademark high-pitched voice). She is also my favorite and I get very angry if any kid insults her (she usually just stares at them and glances over to me, as if to say, "what are you waiting for?". At this exact instant the 11 other kids were hiding and screaming under their desks as they didn't want their photos taken.


My morning class (Max, Selina, and Baby-Bird) was going fine until Baby-bird accidentally hit Max in the eye with a small book. Though it was obviously an accident (and I saw the whole thing) I tried to downplay it as Max is the one who was in the mental hospital only a couple of months ago. He didn't cry - but he didn't really react either; he just started to rub his eyes (even though only one got nicked) obsessively for about 7 minutes. It was scary.

Max is the cute one next to the crazy looking white guy. Baby-Bird is the worried looking one on the far left and Selina is the unimpressed-looking one.


I finally convinced Max to follow me into the hallway where I put a bit of cold water (on a tissue) so he could use that instead of his dirty fingers. Thankfully his mom was not hovering around outside like she does every week or she would have gone nuts (like mother, like son). Anyways, long story short Max started mumbling things in Korean and grinning wildly (he has 5 silver teeth!) for several minutes so I ended class early and gave Baby-Bird a head start out. I guess Max told his mom right after that Baby-Bird had attacked him and that I had basically cheered him on (when I first taught Max he told his mom that I made him memorise an entire book). Naturally his mother believed Max and has withdrawn him from our school. He will not be missed (he has also done this 4 times before I'm told).

These are warning posters in my school's elevators. They always amuse me. Maybe because the people look bad enough to have been drawn by me or maybe because Koreans love to use animals as their models. What would the captions be?

Bottom Left picture - "ha ha! He rushed to leave and now hes bloody, dead, and in hell!"


Bottom-Right picture: "Hurry everyone! Fire! Run up the stairs stupid! Up!"


So thats that. Its the weekend soon!

Very short video.

Dreaming of Jagalchi

Did I ever mention how Korea doesn't believe in the fine art of Copyright?
Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na Lawsuit!


My weekend in a nutshell (no nut to taste, just the shell to give you an idea).

Friday night - ate pizza and drank beer with Kevin.

Saturday - relaxed all morning and went to Haeundae Aquarium in the evening with Kevin. My camera died while we were in there so I didn't get to take any pictures - I will another time. Kevin felt quite sick while we were there so he took off soon after (he said it was a fever, but I think he just wanted an excuse to go to McDonalds -which we did). He went home and I had naked fun spa time by myself. Except it wasn't much fun. But I was naked. It was a spa I hadn't been to yet, and I won't go back - it was kinda gross. Watched the movie Wallace and Gromit - check it out, very funny. Watched it naked (made it funnier).

Sunday - After exercising went off to Koreas largest fish market Jagalchi and walked around all day. Instead of putting all the pictures I took on the blog I quickly made this little video. The guys lying on the ground are homeless people who apparently can't use their legs (their like little mermaids!), hence why they are dragging themselves across the fish-gutted ground on little wheels (you'll see them in the video). The pictures aren't very good quality because I don't think the people were too crazy about me taking tourist shots of them. Most of the time I was pretending to adjust the camera and would run off after stealing the shot.



The other pictures are from the International Market which is in the same area as the fish market. This is the spot where you can get everything from Indian Saris to knock-off designer purses to American products extremely hard to find in Korea. By the time I got there they were closing down for the day, so I'll go back again another time.

CLICK ON THE PICTURES TO ENLARGE THEM!

Not crowded - this isn't even the packed maze-like area of the International market.


As I've mentioned, the whole area is like a maze - each person running their own little shop. Certain 'areas' only sell certain items. There may be 4 - 5 stores right next to one another all selling the exact same crap - uh I mean, stuff.

Shoes (this was one of many - picture doesn't do it justice)


Hats


Tools


In an area where you can BARELY move - again, if this picture had been taken a few hours earlier you wouldn't have seen the ground because of all the people - there is always those few (you'll nearly get hit by about 2 dozen in any given hour) that squeeze their motorbikes through a walkway maybe 5 feet across.



A main road - The Pusan International Film Festival is nearby.


Lots of stores look like this guys - they pack their products from floor to 'ceiling', leaving no room to maneuver. No room. Lots of the time there are bottles of booze leaning dangerously from the top of some pile of candy. The pictures say it all.

Its like Jenga!


Turn around you shy bastard!


Booze!


Peppers anyone?


Kimchi!




I - I - love you.

Its Thursday!

Yes, I am still alive.
This is the picture I am using to show Korean stylists not to cut my throat or give me the 'dreamy Korean Popstar cut'. I photoshopped my zits away but couldn't figure out how to hide the oily skin and the James van der Beek forehead! I also didn't smile in this one because I wanted to be like everyone else who takes 'serious' shots for once okay?


So I don't update this blog much! I don't make sweet love very often either but I don't get harassed over that like I do with this blog!

I get insulted instead!

For those of you who check my blog regularly in the hopes that I've finally gotten a life (dad), or gotten laid (mom), or grown a gut (craig) - only to be disappointed and angered that aside from still being thrilled at finding American products (Nutella!), that my blog is still several days old I suggest you click on the little button thats called an WIZZ RSS feed - but don't ask me how to do it, I just know they exist. Basically it'll tell you whether or not I've updated without you having to check every couple days. Its an orange button...and thus the extent of my knowledge of the RSS feed.

Walked by this place...


An old Korean man said it was 'pig' but to me it looks like its 'dog'! All restaurants have a picture of the animal (usually looking happy and/or wearing a hat) that they serve, so wouldn't that mean?...


Uh...whats new since last post?...um...prepare. to. be. Bored!

Every month we are given a new schedule where our 25 or so different classes are rearranged amongst the teachers. Usually they try to give us generally the same kids but thanks to my whining I currently don't have to teach the "No! No!" pencil-throwing kid and the scissor fighting kid(s). So thats nice. Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday the classes aren't bad - some kids are great, really friendly and smart - a few are douchebags that won't amount to anything more than well, douches!

These kids can get tiresome but are not douchebags - this picture was taken before the other 10 arrived so I quickly stole a shot of these 2- camera died right after.


Thursdays are hell days. Again, I know there are literally over 1 billion people at any given second around the world who would consider it the lottery to be where I am, I know that - but that doesn't take away my right to bitch! So again I stress, this month Thursdays are like using school toilet paper - its rough but tolerable at the beginning - quite painful during - raw and numb at the end.

My morning class begins with 3 students - one is the little boy who was in a mental hospital for a bit (Max) who knows me well and is kinda controllable, another is a sweet little girl who smiles at me with big eyes that say "Shhh I understand white man", the last is a boy who demands to be called "Baby Bird" who perches on the desk. Tolerable.

I sometimes feel like I'm in One flew Over the Cuckoos Nest, I'm not Nurse Ratched like you would assume - I'm one of the patients...probably Cheswick.

Cheswick!



3 of the other classes had me walking in and groaning aloud "ohhhhhh no, not you guys again" (since I didn't know who it would be). Don't worry they couldn't hear me bemoaning my fate as they were too busy throwing stuff out the window or screeching whilst calling me "Candy". I tried to drag one kid out of the room today but was so tired from a morning workout that I was unable to. The class of 12 (this is the one with the unwilling-to-accept-that-I-don't-speak-Korean 'fish-eyes') were surprised that the 26-year old (28 in Korea) could not break the grip of the 7-year old boy Frank. I gave up and let him crawl back under the desk and kept his yellow highlighter for myself. 50 minutes later, bruised and bloodied on the ground (insert prostitute joke) the kids ran out triumphant whilst I lay on the floor with my eyes closed, ready to "go gentle into that good night" but then I heard a weird noise and some grunts and opened my eyes. It was young fish-eyes (her name is Sera) cleaning the board for me and she was grunting because she couldn't reach very high.

Alright God, I hear you.

That was my 2nd class - my 3rd and 4th classes - well, nobody offered to clean the board for me, but I remained in one piece, so I was successful.

My last class was 4 nice kids so I just enjoyed spending an hour with them - I didn't even really mind having to pay 6,000 won for the crappy piece of "beef" I had ordered to eat during my prep period right after...sure it tasted like it should cost less than a dollar, but at least its not sorghum.



I have submitted mine and Kevins passport numbers and other info. to the USO office in Seoul which handles tours of the DMZ (Demilitarized Zone). I wanted to go this weekend, but the earliest available date wasn't until the end of the month. I was sent a whole bunch of info. about what we aren't allowed to wear and stuff though, so thats pretty nuts. I'll talk about that more later in the month.

This is from a local place where the beer comes in this 'keg'


It's the weekend!

That girls got a mustache!

Cherry Blossoms near my place. They smell nice.


Railroad Crossings look weird here.


Hi all,

Uneventful weekend, as usual. I get balder as my palms get hairier.

Friday night I stayed in as I was still recovering from Thursday. I almost broke my baby finger after participating in one of the many group-hugs - I kind of remember mashing it up against someone after singing Karma Chameleon. The next day I couldn't bend it and it was quite swollen (but I kept poking at it anyways).

Reminds me of puberty days!

My fingers looked even uglier! The swollen one is on the bottom.


Saturday I went out with my cousins old Korean friend and saw this weird movie called "Perfume" about a guy born with a super-sensitive sense of smell. Its worth checking out, but its long. Korean theaters have assigned seating which I thought was a great idea until you notice how many people mistake their seats and will start to argue with you (even after you show them your ticket), or you have the people who can't find their seats in the pitch black (my mom couldn't find me in the light at the theaters in Canada so she would be sunk here). Went out for a beer after. Oh, I also got my haircut and really felt like a fat little baby. One, I don't know if you feel the same, but whenever I stare at myself in the mirror while getting my haircut I really scrutinize everything about my face. It almost always boils down to me having fat pockmarked cheeks. Add to that my Korean friend explaining to the suave Korean stylist what I wanted (he could not hide his distaste) and me not understanding a word - I felt like a baby. But the cut was only $10 so I was a happy baby (I shat myself to prove it).

Typical Korean Menu - even if you can read Hangul you still don't know what you are ordering!


This is Bi Bim Bap - something easy to order and every place has. I already stirred it but usually it has an egg on top! You always get the side dishes (at the top) and some soupy broth.


There was also lots of that yellow dust (from China) around that is bad for the lungs, thus many Koreans don those face masks like everyone wore in the movie Outbreak (or the few wieners in Toronto who insisted on wearing one during the SARS 'scare'). Stefanie, I'm talking about you.

Though it looks like smog, its some yellow crap that smells like metal.


One funny thing happened at work today, in one of my later classes we were trying to create sentences out of the word "originally". One boy, whom recently had his cast removed after breaking his arm (like many kids he was hit by a car) noticed he had arm hair which he didn't have before. So Khan (his name) made the sentence:

"Khan has arm hair where originally there was none."

The girls were pretty disgusted at his having arm hair so I excitedly explained to them how many women have arm hair - and how some (I leaned in and widened my eyes for extra effect) even have lady mustaches! I then drew a picture of a lady with a mustache (with Korean eyes for familiarity) and after turning around to bask in my students love noticed that the sweet incredibly quiet girl, who I forgot also had a lady moustache was now bright red and very un-discreetly hiding her 'Walt Disney' stache'. Thankfully, I changed the subject fast enough so that none of the kids caught on. Teachers can be so cruel!

So I guess the moral of the story is, lady mustaches are funny regardless of where you find yourself in life.

Sunday I just walked around and generally did a whole lotta nothing.

These cool things entertain the kids while the parents are shopping, they totally beat our crappy little "space-ship" rides outside Zellers (where my mom bought my clothes throughout high school). They are actual go-carts that move pretty fast.



They each cost about 25 cents to ride for a minute or two - I will ride on one next time I go down to that area.


Woman who didn't want me to take her picture of her little store on a motorcycle. I discreetly took the photo and then ran away. I should've paid a dollar on one of those little bumper cars and just knocked her over.