Here in Sunny South Korea it is Independence Movement Day, a National Holiday that 'commemorates the Declaration of Independence proclaimed on March 1, 1919, while under Japanese colonization.' So I have a much-undeserved day off.
This colonization was news to me! I'm sure someone mentioned it to me years ago, maybe even earlier in the day - but my mind works in mysterious ways. While growing up if my mom threw a National geographic on my lap and said 'read this my son, grow and flourish' I would nod eagerly. Pleased she would leave the room happy and I would begin my intense search for the mystical Amazonian women with super-long necks and a disdain for clothes.
I learned all about occupied-Korea from a young Korean teenager named Maria while playing a scrabble-like game called Upwords in one of my last classes yesterday. While carefully placing the letters for the word 'bloated' down on top of the letters I had just used to spell 'cat', Maria told me her grandfather and many other 'oldies' still disliked the Japanese for they didn't really seem to know who was truly the 'winner' in the dispute. I told her I disliked Upwords before throwing the game to the floor and proclaiming myself the 'winner'.
Kevin and I later went to a bar called "ol'55" where every foreigner in the city had descended upon (save for the ones who only seek the 'Korean experience' and therefore prefer Korean bars). The entire place is very small and narrow and since everyone had the next day off, was packed tighter than a gang of Canadian prostitutes on a cold December morn.
Aside from being really smoky (and not in the sexy William-Riker-from-Star-Trek-playing-saxophone-in-the-Holodeck smoky way) it was very loud too. Though I've been trained to speak properly (I have the degree to prove it!) I always find that within about 5 minutes of trying to talk to a complete stranger my voice begins to crack leaving the unlucky listener who I've cornered curious if I just hit puberty that exact instant.
We stayed for a couple of hours until I declared aloud that "this bar is freakin' dead!" - to anyone who would care (nobody). But everyone was too busy laughing and drinking to hear me declare the scene a bust - so I thought, "screw them" and crowdsurfed my way out onto the puke-filled street.
One thing about South Korea that I've mentioned a few times is that in every large neighborhood there seems to be a specific section devoted solely for entertainment. Tons of restaurants, convenience stores, bars, noraebahngs (Karaoke) all contained in a few streets; allowing Ken Quixote and Sancho Manley to easily wander into a chicken and beer place.
Always happy to see pictures on the menu we pointed to one filled with wings that didn't look just like fried gristle (somewhere my older brothers stomach yells 'pick me! pick me!). The waiter took our order - and Kevin and I began to stare at one another (having nothing much to say but 'beer is cold' and 'mm-hmm'). Fearing that we didn't know what we were ordering the owner came rushing out and through broken-English explained that the wings we ordered were very hot and maybe we should reconsider. Having heard this warning from every other chicken place we've been to (and experiencing only a mild tingle) we waved him off, cockily laughing the 'hotter the better'.
He put the chicken down in front of our cheery dry-eyed faces - looked quickly over at the wide-eyed frightened cook and back to us - in an instant my eyes had teared, my mouth and fingers were burning with the blisteringly hot chicken-fire sauce, and escaping snot flowed into my dwindling beer. The employees had a good laugh at our expense, but the combination of low self-esteem and hunger can do wonders to push away the pain, so I forged on and continued to eat. Even though wiping the sauce off with a chopstick did little good, it was enough that we finished all but one wing, sopped up the remaining sauce with a napkin and hid it in the bottom of our little waste basket on the table - cleverly (and sadly) putting the picked-clean bones on top of it. Even though by the time we finally finished everyone but 3 employees had left for the night, I hope one mentions to the owner that I left severely burned but on my own 2 feet (I carried Kevin out).
Looks like today will be another day spent on the toilet - and me with no National Geographic.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
"Computer just explode, just died."
I'd like to think that if the 6 year olds knew I was having a full-blown panic attack and wasnt just trying to make them laugh they would've stopped throwing their crayons at me.
But in Korea, nothing surprises me anymore.
After my "hair-raising" (AH HA HA HA HA) time at the stylists the other day, I thought I'd finally licked my little fear problem. Just before I went into work today I sat outside for about 20 minutes, allowing the sun to warm my pale face (the weather is really nice here) - I was determined to have a good day - a la the Laws of Attraction.
But when I came into work and went to turn on my computer - it was no longer working. Pressing the on/off button repeatedly with greater and greater force did nothing.
"Computer just explode - just died." A Korean teacher standing right behind me named Silvia said with a sad detachment in her voice.
"oh well - a little break from pornography would probably do me good eh?" I said laughing and going for a high-five.
"yes it would" she replied seriously and walked off.
I promptly charlie-horsed myself on the corner of my desk and to muffle my sudden cry I quickly breathed in through my nose, just like the motivation tapes instruct you too - only to smell my own body odor. I had also forgotten to wear deodorant.
For a guy who always come to work with an 'anxious' tightness in my chest, I was doing well thus far (even though it had only been about 4 minutes since I sauntered in). Another Korean teacher came up next to me and explained how I would be teaching a class of prospective students who were getting a trial week free so their parents could decide whether the 'flag-ship' GnB school and its highly trained and motivated teachers were worth their investment and child's future. This was the last day of their 'free' week, and their first time being taught by a Foreign Teacher.
The first panicky I'm-gonna-crap-myself came when the Korean teacher mentioned how she would be team-teaching with me for the next hour. Thats stressful for experienced teachers, and terror for the rest of us (me).
My bowels began to surrender when the teacher 'Lucy' went on to explain that she would be standing in the corner quietly, and would only interject to explain something that the kids couldn't understand through my charade-based English teaching. I was on my own.
I crapped myself entirely when I walked in to see that not only were there about 8 kids, but they were all under 6, had clearly never interacted with a "whitey" before, and naturally for good measure they had thrown in one boy whom was borderline retarded - it wasn't his gigantic sloping jaw that gave him away but his psychotic cackling "No!!!! No!!!" that he began to shout when I walked in.
"Computer just explode - just died" I heard Silvia whisper in the distance.
Lucy and I had agreed P.C. (pre-crapping) that I would work on just a couple of pages...where after I foolishly assumed that I could then high-five her like it was the WWF (World Wrestling Federation) and she would relieve me so I could go relieve myself - even though she said they were mine for the whole hour. I spent several anxious minutes just trying to get their English names out of them with a big fake grin plastered on my face. Through his constant "No! No! No!" I could see that the 'special' one Eric was giving me a "I-know-your-scared-and-you-know-that-I-know-your-scared" grin.
While Lucy stood motionless in the corner watching me float to my doom towards the iceberg I attempted to play "Simon Says" with them. After asking the Korean teacher to explain the 'rules' and with a quiver in my voice I squeaked out a "Simon Says" and the kids wouldn't do it - they got bored quickly and began to chat amongst themselves. I continued to say the same "Simon Says" do this and do that over again, effectively playing with myself (if only there was an industry for that over here).
About to say "Simon says last one standing alive gets a cookie" Lucy momentarily left the classroom to watch me sink via the closed-circuit camera with the Director (and I assume with every other teacher nearby) and thats when the first crayon flew. It missed me by a couple of feet, but it may as well have hit me right in the cujones - they had me, and they knew it. All the 'special' kid needed to do was give a thumbs-down and the kids would finish me off, instead he cackled.
Sweating, I felt I surely only had about 5 minutes left and I was done - so I stole a glance at my watch, and only about 12 minutes had gone by.
And the bowels continued to flow, as time stopped.
The counting exercise failed miserably, the alphabet letter game failed miserably, only the adult pampers I had coincidentally decided to wear that day did their job properly - when Lucy returned she seemed nonplussed that I was dripping sweat and surrounded my crayons. I gave in and weakly asked for 'help'.
The 'identify the body parts' exercise that they were supposed to color turned into a colorful fiasco - but by then, I didn't care - I was just thinking about my next class, a class I usually hate, and how happy I would be to see them even if the feeling wasn't mutual. I would still tell them all that I loved them very much (tangsee-nul saranghamneeda)
At the end of the day we received March's schedule - guess who has not 1, not 2, but 3 of these level-1 classes with no PREPS anymore? That's right!
To quote the 'special kid': No! No! Noooo!
Monday, February 26, 2007
Kenny in the Mist
Today I got up nice and early, and after breakfast I went and exercised - the whole time visualizing myself to resemble the Adonis that was...IS...A.C. Slater (Mario Lopez) from TV's Saved by the Bell, rather than his unpopular and emaciated friend 'Screech' (Dustin Diamond). Anyways, feeling quite good about myself I playfully ruffled my own hair but was immediately dismayed and disgusted by its shaginess and general helmet-feel.
"Well shit on this!" I thought angrily to myself, "what would AC Slater do in this situation?" - "probably have a loveless quickie with Jesse Spano... but what would he do after that?! He would go and get his hair cut!".
So off I went. Casting away just over 2 months of fear with one bold step of action. For it was fear that kept me away - fear of a Korean stylist accidentally cutting my throat from a simple miscommunication, fear that I'd walk into a rub 'n' tug (yeah sure...fear) - fear about being embarrassed.
This from the guy who 5 days after arriving in Korea had no problem playing diarrhea charades with someone he hoped was a pharmacist.
Though I had learned the Korean word for 'Trim' (Ta-Dum Gee) I forgot it the moment I walked into the hairstyling place where I knew a co-worker had gone before...a co-worker whose hair I've never been crazy about. Its always awkward to walk into an expensive looking place where it seems like the dress code was invented for people like myself, but its worse when you are their only customer, roughly the same age, and a white guy.
The nine or so employees were all standing around talking and admiring each others fragrant smell (while actually coiffing each others hair). Smelling something stale on the air one of the Korean 'guys' glanced my way and squealed - either amused or disgusted...or both (recall my prior blog about seeing a monkey eat its own poo...disgusting, but I dare you to turn away!)
Instantly, a female Korean hairstylist with impeccable style and the longest eyelashes I'd ever seen (with little micro jewels on them) approached me quite robotically with 2 small assistants (apprentices) hovering wide-eyed next to her 6-foot frame. Before I could undo the zipper (to my sweat-soaked hoodie) one of the little robots snatched it up with a lightening speed and began to search for a hanger - annoyed by her stupidity the main stylist (Head Robot) continued to stare at me while grabbing my hoodie out of the apprentices trembling hands - quickly looking at her - admonishing her 100% through her eyes that my hoodie was never, and will never be a jacket and thus was not hangar-worthy. She promptly rolled it up into a neat little ball and threw it into my locker where it landed with a thud near my man-purse and still-playing ipod (my ears still ringing from the jarring sensation of having somebody else pull out the headset ear by ear mid-song).
Feeling quite naked after having been stripped like a prisoner and been provided a key to the locker where my worldly possessions sat taking up as little space as possible, I was promptly deloused with a quick shampoo by one of the stylists friendly little robots - her cute little cheeks blushed red with shock of actually touching a non-Korean person (I am not embellishing this stuff, Koreans always seem amused with foreigners), her skin pale from the anxiety of wanting to please her mentor (head robot), and her demeanor anxious (you would be too if you had the whole staff hovering nearby - occasionally throwing out any English words that were applicable in this situation, "Right this way!", "do you need a towel?").
It was funny when she continued to make the water colder as she had noticed how I was profusely sweating. Since I didn't know how to say, "I always sweat my pet" in Korean I just closed by eyes and hummed.
To make a long ramble short, I was given a little book of possible future hairstyles upon sitting down in the stylists chair (one assistant unnecessarily ensuring it was dust-free by wiping it clean with her hand an instant before my sweaty cheeks slapped down). I was filled with glee upon opening the book to see dozens of tiny cut-outs of local Korean popstars and their wonderful Korean popstar hair! Sensing her impatience and growing increasingly uncomfortable with her and her 2 assistants hovering around me offering suggestions (shaved sides with a textured mullet was one) I meekly pointed at the one that would, if properly done could resemble my current hairstyle - but cleaner and trimmer.
"Okay! Good!" she replied before clapping her hands (no jokes), sending each assistant quickly off in opposite directions - reappearing from different sides seconds later with the stylists various hair....tools.
Possibly offended by my 'post-work out man/boy musk smell' the main stylist stepped back every 5 minutes or so to quickly let her little ones feed upon me; one with a sprayer filled with water, the other with a dry spongy thing that she ever-so-delicately maneuvered around my eyes to brush away the loose hairs that had just been blessfully circumsized away from my sweaty forehead.
1/2 an hour later she gave one quick clap - barked 'Rinse!' (I assume the English was for my benefit) and after applying some wax and meticulously making a few more ever-so-small clips around my head I was done. The workers continued to hover nearby, admiring the shaved ape and secretly wishing they hadn't eaten their bananas (or at least saved the peel) before I arrived. I'm sure they had questions to ask the Jane Goodall of South Korea.
Did he smell?
How did you not get bitten?
Were there lots of bugs in his hair?
Do you think he fell in love with your gentle hands?
It was actually a surprisingly fun experience, and I will return there again since they were quite friendly. They all had a good laugh when I audibly sighed after seeing the bill was only around $13 - and no tipping in Korea! The co-worker who had been there before asked if they instantly mobbed me when I walked in, so perhaps I am just not used to good service without paying heavily for it.
Just look up my last hair-cut blog before leaving Canada.
Only 2 people noticed I got my hair cut and one Korean teacher even asked if I was going to be getting my haircut after work. Ah dammit.
Once an ape always an ape.
Friday, February 23, 2007
Saturday - UPDATED!
Hi.
Uneventful week - so I didn't bother putting up anything on the blog. It was very nice this week not having to get to work until 2pm - as I slept in until noon both days. Walking around Seoul probably tired me out more than I thought.
Aside from that, I am still exercising and trying to eat better - still hitting the 'snooze' button a record amount of times - and I still need a haircut.
I am going to start looking into package tours soon because I just found out that there are 2 major holidays in September and October that are about 4-7 days each. You have to book incredibly early in this country though, as flights and ferries get booked several months in advance. I am thinking of China as the first package - people have been recommending that I book up to 4 tours to prepare for the inevitability that 3 of them will be completely sold out. I don't quite understand what the hell to do, I just know that I need to do it and do it soon.
Have a good weekend, its warm here.
UPDATE! - I know this is a particularly boring blog, but I thought I could at least mention one more thing. When I first moved into my apartment the old tenant (the teacher I replaced at my work) mentioned that the shower tends to get 'clogged' and flood the bathroom occasionally. Most of you know that here in sunny South Korea there are few tubs (those are reserved for the very wealthy and happy) so the water flows directly into a drain - therefore the floors are very slightly sloped. Anyways, over the past few days I've noticed that the water is not draining very well at all - and considering that I needed to clean my bathroom I figured I may as well take a look at the drain myself.
So you can now cross plumbing, along with teaching, off my list of possible careers.
After removing the drain and stupidly sticking my hand into the stinky hole (insert inappropriate joke here) all I felt was incredibly slimy hair - since it was just a bit I poked and pulled and eventually it came out. Aroused along with the funky smell and some gagging was the nagging suspicion that there was far far far more hair sludge where that came from.
At school on Friday I had been looking at photos on the wall of the students and the teachers over the past 2 years. The former tenant Chris was in a fair number of them over the past several months - and I noticed that his hair had begun to fall out more and more. The guy I now know is almost bald - but in these pictures he had a full head of hair.
So I gritted my teeth, held by breath and got a fork. Twirling the slimy hair sludge around the fork like spaghetti I kept turning on the faucet above my full head of hair (thank you Propecia!) to quickly drain the waste down the drain.
But the drain wouldn't empty anymore. It had become clogged completely, yet I couldn't see anymore hair save for the sludge that coated the walls.
So after having a little spaz where I spastically flicked my arms side to side, I accidentally managed to wack the pipe that is cut off several inches above the plastic covered drain, knocking it to the side (I hadn't tried to turn it, but I guess you can for this sole reason). Quite pleased with myself I removed the little round plastic lid that covered the drains opening. And thats when I gagged and vowed never to eat spaghetti again. the hair/sludge/shower waste that had accumulated over the past 2 years covered the drain completely and resembled a tiny decomposed gray kitten. And smelled like it too. I jumped up, hit my head on the sink above and got back to work. 5 minutes later, and after several unintentional purgings (so long last nights Grill House!) my drain is now empty, along with my stomach.
It is slimier and far more disgusting than this picture - trust me. Click on the picture to enlarge it. Right click on it to save it as the 'wallpaper' on your computer.
Uneventful week - so I didn't bother putting up anything on the blog. It was very nice this week not having to get to work until 2pm - as I slept in until noon both days. Walking around Seoul probably tired me out more than I thought.
Aside from that, I am still exercising and trying to eat better - still hitting the 'snooze' button a record amount of times - and I still need a haircut.
I am going to start looking into package tours soon because I just found out that there are 2 major holidays in September and October that are about 4-7 days each. You have to book incredibly early in this country though, as flights and ferries get booked several months in advance. I am thinking of China as the first package - people have been recommending that I book up to 4 tours to prepare for the inevitability that 3 of them will be completely sold out. I don't quite understand what the hell to do, I just know that I need to do it and do it soon.
Have a good weekend, its warm here.
UPDATE! - I know this is a particularly boring blog, but I thought I could at least mention one more thing. When I first moved into my apartment the old tenant (the teacher I replaced at my work) mentioned that the shower tends to get 'clogged' and flood the bathroom occasionally. Most of you know that here in sunny South Korea there are few tubs (those are reserved for the very wealthy and happy) so the water flows directly into a drain - therefore the floors are very slightly sloped. Anyways, over the past few days I've noticed that the water is not draining very well at all - and considering that I needed to clean my bathroom I figured I may as well take a look at the drain myself.
So you can now cross plumbing, along with teaching, off my list of possible careers.
After removing the drain and stupidly sticking my hand into the stinky hole (insert inappropriate joke here) all I felt was incredibly slimy hair - since it was just a bit I poked and pulled and eventually it came out. Aroused along with the funky smell and some gagging was the nagging suspicion that there was far far far more hair sludge where that came from.
At school on Friday I had been looking at photos on the wall of the students and the teachers over the past 2 years. The former tenant Chris was in a fair number of them over the past several months - and I noticed that his hair had begun to fall out more and more. The guy I now know is almost bald - but in these pictures he had a full head of hair.
So I gritted my teeth, held by breath and got a fork. Twirling the slimy hair sludge around the fork like spaghetti I kept turning on the faucet above my full head of hair (thank you Propecia!) to quickly drain the waste down the drain.
But the drain wouldn't empty anymore. It had become clogged completely, yet I couldn't see anymore hair save for the sludge that coated the walls.
So after having a little spaz where I spastically flicked my arms side to side, I accidentally managed to wack the pipe that is cut off several inches above the plastic covered drain, knocking it to the side (I hadn't tried to turn it, but I guess you can for this sole reason). Quite pleased with myself I removed the little round plastic lid that covered the drains opening. And thats when I gagged and vowed never to eat spaghetti again. the hair/sludge/shower waste that had accumulated over the past 2 years covered the drain completely and resembled a tiny decomposed gray kitten. And smelled like it too. I jumped up, hit my head on the sink above and got back to work. 5 minutes later, and after several unintentional purgings (so long last nights Grill House!) my drain is now empty, along with my stomach.
It is slimier and far more disgusting than this picture - trust me. Click on the picture to enlarge it. Right click on it to save it as the 'wallpaper' on your computer.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
The End
Starbucks...I mean Prowstar anyone?
Day 2 of our Seoul trip began with me waking up in a little warm puddle of my own drool and after turning over the pillow treated with a cold slap in the face with what I can only assume was older drool from a little bit earlier that night which I'd forgotten about.
Big empty streets in Seoul
This particular morning Kevin did some in-room exercises while I debated whether or not to brush my teeth. After Kevin had his breakfast tuna taco we were off. The stores were still closed and about an hour later I declared that I would die if food was not in my stomach soon. I refused Kevins offer of a quick breastfeeding, instead suggesting that we look in nearby hotels for breakfast food. The first and only hotel we actually searched in was serving brunch but at the I'd-rather-be-breastfed-by-Kevin price of around $60 a person. Seeing a Best Western several blocks away we took every short-cut possible to quickly reach this discount hotel that would most likely be serving a discount breakfast. Turns out it was the worlds only Best Western 'Premium' - and that would mean a premium breakfast price.
So it was McDonalds again after we discovered a local pizza place was closed.
Yeah - gimme some asscheeks please...
Ignoring the pain in our feet and legs we walked for another little while to allow the Big Mac to reform completely and congeal in our stomachs - Kevin, or he-of-the-regular-bowel-movements, insisted we always remain near a washroom or dark alley with newspaper littered around it.
Quiet Seoul streets (Monday morning)
We hopped on the subway to make our way to the days first stop - Olympic Park - a huge area of land on the outskirts of Seoul that was home to the Olympics in 1988. This was the first time we had taken the massive subway which has several different lines (Toronto has 2) to transport the 25% of Koreans who call Seoul their home. Even in the deserted city there were still no seats for the 45-minute trek into Olympic Park station (near the end of one of the lines) for the older women who were not as fast as me in finding and securing a seat.
Take that TTC!
Anyways, we eventually got there and began walking around, enjoying the sun (temperature was about 6 or 7 at least) and the mostly-fresh air. As you can see by the pictures there were several stadiums all within about a minutes walk of each other. Some were for speed biking (the Velodrome) others were for swimming, weight room, badminton, swimming - pretty impressive.
Opening Ceremonies - don't I look just adorable?
As we gazed upon a huge area of open land a larger South Korean girl (this is the land of eating disorders where Skinny is Inny) came quickly towards us - well came towards me for Kevin saw her coming our way and quickly sat on the nearby bench - leaving me to fend for myself. I won't get too into it - but trust me when I say it was stranger than you could possibly imagine (regardless of how Kevin downplays it). Usually when South Korean women laugh they demurely put their hands in front of their mouths and giggle quietly for a few moments before moving on in the conversation. Not this one.
Girl- (hysterical laughing and wide-eyed) Oh my - uhhhhhhhh - Where are you from?
Me- (looking at her as if she were completely insane and ready to kill me) Canada.
Girl - (hysterical laugh)
Me - Yeah...
Girl - (hysterical laugh while looking around) Umm - OH MY -
Me - (assuming she was just a really bad tour guide hired to help foreigners around Olympic Park) What are those 2 identical stadiums for?
A couple of Stadiums (one was for volleyball, the other I forget)
Girl - (suddenly serious) I don't know.
(Hysterical laughing continues)
Me- And that one?
The Velodrome! (for biking)
Girl - OH MY (hysterical laughing to sudden seriousness) Biking.
*This went on until I ran out of stadiums to point at - so I began from the beginning before she stopped and asked if I wanted to go see one of them up close with her.
Me- (fearing for my life) What do you think Kevin?
Kevin- (sitting on bench with his smug "your-on-your-own look on his face") well you two could just -
Me - (knowing Kevin is about to lie and 'confess' how tired he is and suggest that the new girl and I go on our own) Your feet hurt eh Kevin? Eh!? Well how about we just make our way around on our own time? Thanks for your information.
Girl - (serious but with muffled hysterical laughs) uh-huh. (to Kevin) Here's an apple.
We walked away from the insane Korean with an apple and our lives. Kevin thinks it was just a bad case of nervous laughter, I think she was crazy. We walked around for a little bit more and got back on the subway, heading towards a stop by the Han River where they do boat tours.
Han River
Trying to get Kevin out of the shot
We made the boat tour with about a minute to spare - it was about an hour long and made a bit of a circle in the Han River. And that was it. $10
Nice building + expensive food = TGI Fridays somewhere else.
Back on solid land we went to this building called 'The 65' or something as we were both hungry and willing to pay a bit extra for a buffet dinner we thought they might have. With several chefs milling about the various buffet tables we knew we were caught again out of our price bracket - so I bought an ice cream cone and we found a TGI Fridays.
Since it was dark we thought it best to walk back across one of the long bridges to our own side of the Han River. About half way over the super long bridge Kevin's bowels detected that we were no where near a washroom and decided to crank up production in his crap factory for immediate delivery. Refusing my offers to hold his hands while he balanced his butt over the side of the bridge I could tell by Kevins sudden live rendition of "In the jungle" that he was singing his last rites.
I imagine this is how the guys must have felt in Stand By Me when the train is barreling down on them as they run for their lives on the bridge high above water.
Shimmy Shimmy Rock...
Worried that Kevin wasn't going to make it and that I was in for a long blog (with pictures of course) about the dangers of McDonalds and long walks I sent a silent prayer for some help - a bag, a lone garbage can - anything! Eyeing a set of stairs at the end of the long bridge a fair distance away Kevin suddenly began a butt-squeezing last-ditch run. In the midst of me grabbing my camera to document this monumental effort Kevin suddenly yelled with a new hope in his voice "Is that a Porta Potty down there?!".
Lord and behold, directly at the bottom of the stairs was the only Porta Potty we had seen in 2 days after hoofing it throughout most of this huge city. Before I could high-five Kevin I saw his bag go flying off instantly followed by his coat - and he disappeared into the magical, and lucky for Kevin stocked with toilet paper, Porta Potty. I can't stress how odd it was for this toilet to suddenly appear in such a weird spot away from everyone and everything. Kevin's theory is that he was not the first person to do the bridge run, and I agree.
Gotta love those Porta Potties!
So I took a couple of pictures - and waited for him to emerge.
Wh-where am I?
He did moments later - and he was happier than I'd ever seen him. And that made me happy too.
We walked on (Kevin much lighter on his feet) and came upon this exercise gym sitting in the middle of a small park. You know those nature paths in Ontario that have those old ghetto chin up bars and soggy wood for spontaneous sit-ups? This one had all the amenities of a real gym.
Kevin pumping Iron
Iron pumping Ken
We played around here for a bit and again began the long journey back towards our area (remember, everywhere was closed so there wasn't much to do). At Busan station we ran into an American soldier no older than 19 who after first claiming he was an ESL teacher confessed that he was just "looking to party with some Koreans" - basically out to get laid. Kevin explained to him how to get to our area - the pimps will look after him when he gets there...for there are enough 'sexy love parties' to go around.
So after a bit of over-priced bowling we ended up back at the WA Bar where we were the night before. Barely talking again we drained our beers and headed back to Beewon House.
Palace Gate in the middle of a HUGE intersection
The next morning I got up early enough (Kevin earlier thanks to my snoring) and had time to make it for our first McDonalds breakfast. We decided after we ate that we'd seen enough of Seoul for now and would try to exchange our train tickets for some earlier ones.
We made our way through a stinky subway tunnel filled with about 50 homeless people eating some rank fishy substance (I almost slipped on the incredibly slick nasty floor several times) that was like Seoul's make-shift soup kitchen. It was sad as we had to fend off several more homeless outside Seoul Station - the reality of a big city.
Kevin suggested I get a haircut from this woman, I told him he didn't have to bother - neither of us were amused by our hurtful comments.
2 hours and 40 minutes we were back in Busan and found a place to have dinner.
And that was that.
Day 2 of our Seoul trip began with me waking up in a little warm puddle of my own drool and after turning over the pillow treated with a cold slap in the face with what I can only assume was older drool from a little bit earlier that night which I'd forgotten about.
Big empty streets in Seoul
This particular morning Kevin did some in-room exercises while I debated whether or not to brush my teeth. After Kevin had his breakfast tuna taco we were off. The stores were still closed and about an hour later I declared that I would die if food was not in my stomach soon. I refused Kevins offer of a quick breastfeeding, instead suggesting that we look in nearby hotels for breakfast food. The first and only hotel we actually searched in was serving brunch but at the I'd-rather-be-breastfed-by-Kevin price of around $60 a person. Seeing a Best Western several blocks away we took every short-cut possible to quickly reach this discount hotel that would most likely be serving a discount breakfast. Turns out it was the worlds only Best Western 'Premium' - and that would mean a premium breakfast price.
So it was McDonalds again after we discovered a local pizza place was closed.
Yeah - gimme some asscheeks please...
Ignoring the pain in our feet and legs we walked for another little while to allow the Big Mac to reform completely and congeal in our stomachs - Kevin, or he-of-the-regular-bowel-movements, insisted we always remain near a washroom or dark alley with newspaper littered around it.
Quiet Seoul streets (Monday morning)
We hopped on the subway to make our way to the days first stop - Olympic Park - a huge area of land on the outskirts of Seoul that was home to the Olympics in 1988. This was the first time we had taken the massive subway which has several different lines (Toronto has 2) to transport the 25% of Koreans who call Seoul their home. Even in the deserted city there were still no seats for the 45-minute trek into Olympic Park station (near the end of one of the lines) for the older women who were not as fast as me in finding and securing a seat.
Take that TTC!
Anyways, we eventually got there and began walking around, enjoying the sun (temperature was about 6 or 7 at least) and the mostly-fresh air. As you can see by the pictures there were several stadiums all within about a minutes walk of each other. Some were for speed biking (the Velodrome) others were for swimming, weight room, badminton, swimming - pretty impressive.
Opening Ceremonies - don't I look just adorable?
As we gazed upon a huge area of open land a larger South Korean girl (this is the land of eating disorders where Skinny is Inny) came quickly towards us - well came towards me for Kevin saw her coming our way and quickly sat on the nearby bench - leaving me to fend for myself. I won't get too into it - but trust me when I say it was stranger than you could possibly imagine (regardless of how Kevin downplays it). Usually when South Korean women laugh they demurely put their hands in front of their mouths and giggle quietly for a few moments before moving on in the conversation. Not this one.
Girl- (hysterical laughing and wide-eyed) Oh my - uhhhhhhhh - Where are you from?
Me- (looking at her as if she were completely insane and ready to kill me) Canada.
Girl - (hysterical laugh)
Me - Yeah...
Girl - (hysterical laugh while looking around) Umm - OH MY -
Me - (assuming she was just a really bad tour guide hired to help foreigners around Olympic Park) What are those 2 identical stadiums for?
A couple of Stadiums (one was for volleyball, the other I forget)
Girl - (suddenly serious) I don't know.
(Hysterical laughing continues)
Me- And that one?
The Velodrome! (for biking)
Girl - OH MY (hysterical laughing to sudden seriousness) Biking.
*This went on until I ran out of stadiums to point at - so I began from the beginning before she stopped and asked if I wanted to go see one of them up close with her.
Me- (fearing for my life) What do you think Kevin?
Kevin- (sitting on bench with his smug "your-on-your-own look on his face") well you two could just -
Me - (knowing Kevin is about to lie and 'confess' how tired he is and suggest that the new girl and I go on our own) Your feet hurt eh Kevin? Eh!? Well how about we just make our way around on our own time? Thanks for your information.
Girl - (serious but with muffled hysterical laughs) uh-huh. (to Kevin) Here's an apple.
We walked away from the insane Korean with an apple and our lives. Kevin thinks it was just a bad case of nervous laughter, I think she was crazy. We walked around for a little bit more and got back on the subway, heading towards a stop by the Han River where they do boat tours.
Han River
Trying to get Kevin out of the shot
We made the boat tour with about a minute to spare - it was about an hour long and made a bit of a circle in the Han River. And that was it. $10
Nice building + expensive food = TGI Fridays somewhere else.
Back on solid land we went to this building called 'The 65' or something as we were both hungry and willing to pay a bit extra for a buffet dinner we thought they might have. With several chefs milling about the various buffet tables we knew we were caught again out of our price bracket - so I bought an ice cream cone and we found a TGI Fridays.
Since it was dark we thought it best to walk back across one of the long bridges to our own side of the Han River. About half way over the super long bridge Kevin's bowels detected that we were no where near a washroom and decided to crank up production in his crap factory for immediate delivery. Refusing my offers to hold his hands while he balanced his butt over the side of the bridge I could tell by Kevins sudden live rendition of "In the jungle" that he was singing his last rites.
I imagine this is how the guys must have felt in Stand By Me when the train is barreling down on them as they run for their lives on the bridge high above water.
Shimmy Shimmy Rock...
Worried that Kevin wasn't going to make it and that I was in for a long blog (with pictures of course) about the dangers of McDonalds and long walks I sent a silent prayer for some help - a bag, a lone garbage can - anything! Eyeing a set of stairs at the end of the long bridge a fair distance away Kevin suddenly began a butt-squeezing last-ditch run. In the midst of me grabbing my camera to document this monumental effort Kevin suddenly yelled with a new hope in his voice "Is that a Porta Potty down there?!".
Lord and behold, directly at the bottom of the stairs was the only Porta Potty we had seen in 2 days after hoofing it throughout most of this huge city. Before I could high-five Kevin I saw his bag go flying off instantly followed by his coat - and he disappeared into the magical, and lucky for Kevin stocked with toilet paper, Porta Potty. I can't stress how odd it was for this toilet to suddenly appear in such a weird spot away from everyone and everything. Kevin's theory is that he was not the first person to do the bridge run, and I agree.
Gotta love those Porta Potties!
So I took a couple of pictures - and waited for him to emerge.
Wh-where am I?
He did moments later - and he was happier than I'd ever seen him. And that made me happy too.
We walked on (Kevin much lighter on his feet) and came upon this exercise gym sitting in the middle of a small park. You know those nature paths in Ontario that have those old ghetto chin up bars and soggy wood for spontaneous sit-ups? This one had all the amenities of a real gym.
Kevin pumping Iron
Iron pumping Ken
We played around here for a bit and again began the long journey back towards our area (remember, everywhere was closed so there wasn't much to do). At Busan station we ran into an American soldier no older than 19 who after first claiming he was an ESL teacher confessed that he was just "looking to party with some Koreans" - basically out to get laid. Kevin explained to him how to get to our area - the pimps will look after him when he gets there...for there are enough 'sexy love parties' to go around.
So after a bit of over-priced bowling we ended up back at the WA Bar where we were the night before. Barely talking again we drained our beers and headed back to Beewon House.
Palace Gate in the middle of a HUGE intersection
The next morning I got up early enough (Kevin earlier thanks to my snoring) and had time to make it for our first McDonalds breakfast. We decided after we ate that we'd seen enough of Seoul for now and would try to exchange our train tickets for some earlier ones.
We made our way through a stinky subway tunnel filled with about 50 homeless people eating some rank fishy substance (I almost slipped on the incredibly slick nasty floor several times) that was like Seoul's make-shift soup kitchen. It was sad as we had to fend off several more homeless outside Seoul Station - the reality of a big city.
Kevin suggested I get a haircut from this woman, I told him he didn't have to bother - neither of us were amused by our hurtful comments.
2 hours and 40 minutes we were back in Busan and found a place to have dinner.
And that was that.
Monday, February 19, 2007
Not a Seoul in sight....
I've returned from my 3-day trip into Seoul and aside from having exhausted every possible topic of conversation with Kevin, my wallets also a bit lighter, all the bones in my legs hurt and I'm glad to be back to my home away from home.
All in all it was a good trip. Though I remember almost every little event - I'll just do a quick 'what we did then and after that and then that' list with some pictures thrown in. Since I'm tired, I'll just do the first night and day and post a new blog tomorrow with other pictures.
Friday night:
1 - Got to leave work early because a co-worker the previous night agreed drunkenly to cover my last shift so I could do the hour long subway trek to Busan station without worry of missing my KTX bullet train into Seoul. Seeing as he continued to drink until 6am that day I'm sure he regretted it.
OUTSIDE OF BUSAN STATION: Lots of bums call this area their home
2 - Busan Station was fairly busy with the Koreans who were not driving or flying to see their families in distant towns for the Lunar New Years. Being one of the only white guys amongst tons of Koreans I felt like the icing in a wafer cookie. Trust me on this one.
BULLET TRAIN! Kevin snapped this shot quickly as dozens of Koreans ran to get in front of the shot - hence my apprehensive look.
3 - The bullet train did not go 300 km/hour. I had assumed it would shoot off like a bullet and tear across the countryside - making us feel like astronauts during liftoff. Kevin, seeing I was distraught patiently explained to me in his 'tough-love' way that though the train could probably reach 300km it would be un-wise to do so as it makes about 9 stops throughout the trip. Stupid lying bullet train.
BEEWON - Through the dark sidewalk, hang a left down the dark alley and turn right down the even darker alley - theres Beewon!
4 - After emerging into the cool Seoul nighttime at about 11:45pm Kevin successfully used his growing Korean skills on a Seoul cabbie and got us to our respectable hostel - Beewon with little trouble. Though our room was very small it was clean, warm, and had a bunkbed! Since we both wanted the top bunk Kevin invoked prison rules whereby the cellmate considered the 'man' gets first choice. Sleeping on the bottom bunk that evening and the rest of our stay I fell asleep wondering what Seoul had to offer (and if Kevin would invoke other prison rules in the middle of the night.)
ROOM: Tiny rooms for a couple of tiny guys with some tiny...
5- I forgot, before we went to sleep we went to go have a beer at some nearby bar. Seeing only banks and other stores in our immediate area we walked around for a while, accidentally walking through the famous Insadong market - a street lined with artsy, unique stores which is a highly recommended area for tourists to visit on any day except the new years weekend - because every store is closed and no one is around.
*thats one thing that was good and bad. I had read on other peoples blogs and on tourist websites that the city of Seoul was deserted on the Lunar weekend. I thought they were just embellishing things but it was true. Every store was closed - maybe about 1 in every 30 was open - but that's it. And the streets were empty. It was really great that we were able to dissect Seouls neighborhoods the entire weekend without the stress of shoulder to shoulder people (just imagine a busy bar where you have to squeeze to get by all the time) - next visit to Seoul I will use their crazy subway to go where I need to go as walking will be next to impossible.
6 - The following morning we headed off to explore the city, with no real destination in mind as of yet. We were right near Changdeok Palace but ended up wandering into another nearby palace called Jangmyo Palace. We walked around the grounds but didn't take any tours as being the major holiday weekend, there were no English tours. I didn't care though!
PALACE: I don't know whose palace this was - he is probably dead though
MARCH: The Koreans go marching 3 by 3 hurrah hurrah...
GUARD: Unlike in London these guys get killed if they smile
7 - Went on the Palace Museum Tour and managed to become bored instantly. Many of the 'artifacts' were recreations and the audio guides we rented were motion sensitive turning on the instant you approached a display- so at the risk of getting stuck in front of more-boring-than-usual exhibits we both stayed away from the sensors and left about an hour later.
8 - Lots of walking around - several kilometers with few open stores.
NOT EMPTY: This was one of the only busy areas in the entire city, we got here purely by accident (like my entrance into this world)
KOREANS! Lots of expensive shops and Kevin and I only went into McDonalds
9 - After wandering into an area packed with open stores and thousands of Koreans (typically sandwiched into a few streets) we limped into McDonalds and I ate what would be my first or three McDonalds combos that weekend.
SEOUL TOWER - From a distance, and not too impressive up close
10 - After grabbing a coffee from Starbucks we made the long trek to Seoul Tower and after paying the gondala fee of 7,000won paid the 'Observation Deck' fee of 7,000won
I'M A STUPID TOURIST! LOOK AT MY TICKET!
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WIKIPEDIA:
N Seoul Tower is the World's highest communication tower located in Seoul, Korea. Built in 1975, and opened to the public in 1980, the tower measures 236.7 m (777 ft) in height (from the base) and tops out at 479.7 m (1,574 ft) above sea level. In the past it was called the Namsan Tower, because it sits atop Namsan.
TRYING TO PLACE ITSELF ALONGSIDE CN TOWER - NOT TRUE AT ALL!
Most visitors ride a cable car up the mountain, and then walk to the tower. The tower features a gift shop and restaurants on the ground floor. Visitors may go up the tower for a fee. There is an observation deck it has four observation decks (the 4th observation deck rotates at a rate of one revolution every 48 minutes), as well as gift shops and two restaurants. It is a popular place to go on clear days to see most of Seoul.
INSERT UNFLATTERING COMMENT
SEOUL TOILETS: Kevin angrily refused to take a photo of me urinating at the 2nd stall. I was miffed but took this one anyways (yes, the view filled me with awe while the I drained away my fury at Kevin)
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8 - After some time in the Tower Kevin and I ran excitedly down some stairs and completely ran by the gondala station that was supposed to take us back down again. Already tired from walking we decided to let gravity take us to street level so we could make our way to the famous Itaewon market.
9 - We walked and walked and walked.
10 - After about our 30th kilometre we began the long trek down a shopless street flanked on the left with a looooong war memorial (walled all around) and on the other side of the street some fortified heavily guarded area. So we walked some more.
11- I was startled upon suddenly seeing a black person walking around as I hadn't seen one for the past couple of months. A few moments later I was in an area with a whole bunch of blacks and whites milling about, all conversing in English and doing their own thing. The vendors were no longer selling their diarrhea-inducing street meat but were peddling U.S. baseball hats, belt buckles, and other non-Korean memorabilia instead. Saw a bunch of shaved heads and some guys with mullets - I was in Itaewon!
Being one of the busiest areas we had been in all day we wanted to find a bar, have a beer and grab some dinner. Since it was early in the evening for this kind of an area many of the bars/restaurants were dead while workers at the various clubs were busy preparing for the evenings festivities by scrubbing the previous nights blood off the doors. I'd heard a lot about Itaewon - people saying how great it was, and maybe its due to my sissyish nature and the fact that it wasn't daytime - but I couldn't shake off the uncomfortable feeling the area gave me. Signs were posted barring U.S. servicemen, notices about weapons- just seemed kind of sleazy to me. The kind of environment that I disliked back home. Imagine my relief at choosing our comfortable Korean-run hostel over my original expensive (140$ a night) hotel - which I noticed was right in the center of Itaewon. We had dinner in a sports bar where I quickly grew annoyed at some young U.S. army guys screeching and being generally annoying - made me recall how peaceful and respectful most Koreans are around one another - except when they jostle and fight for prime puking spots. I'll go back and visit it another time, as I may be 100% wrong about the place...and I totally think the area is necessary for the sanity of the 30,000 soldiers stationed right around there who probably get quite homesick - but I was glad to leave nonetheless. And my dinner kind of sucked.
12- We walked around the southern part of the city (just North of the Han River), eventually coming around full-circle to our original area. Probably covered over 20km, and thats really low-balling it. As we got back to our 'Beewon' area from another angle we stumbled upon a very lively area similar to Seomeyon (the area I've mentioned before in Busan) that was spaced out over a few side streets and had every kind of restaurant, bar, club, etc. crammed into every square inch. We were approached twice by guys we soon learned were probably pimps (without the diamond rings, purple suits, and bloodied hands from constant slapping).
One guy was this skinny Korean dude with chipped front teeth (thus I don’t know whether he was the pimp or the prostitute) who kept asking us in his few well-practiced words of English whether we needed any ‘feeking’ – Kevin thankfully realized he meant sex – and pulled me away before I could tell him my life story. Moments later we were approached by another guy who kept asking us in a soft-voice if we would like to attend a “sexy love party” - which he said over and over again. I was tempted to explain that “me so horny” but decided to have a pint at some Western-themed bar instead, where the only 'love' shared turned out to be the many quiet moments between Kevin and I where there was no conversation to fill in the time between the early 90's songs playing on the radio. Spend 24 hours straight with someone walking the entire city of Seoul on feet with only McDonalds as fuel and you’ll exhaust all possible conversation.
13 - On the way back to our hostel we ran into a friendly Korean man who we talked with for a couple of minutes about the usual where we were from, what we were doing in Seoul, etc. Turns out he was from Washington and came down to Seoul to get surgery a month ago because of the effective, cheap service that he couldn't get back home. He explained how incredibly packed the city usually was and how this was the first time he could enjoy walking around. With my bloodied feet we bid him farewell and limped back home.
14 - Briefly watched and discussed the pro's and con's of this odd porn TV show channel that runs all the time- it seems to contain a very bare-bones running plot (like a little soap opera)on a budget of about $5- we were not impressed. So Kevin called "Lights Out!" and off to sleep we went.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
In Communist Korea, SoJu drinks you!
To quote an earlier blogs title:
"And he never drank SoJu again..."
I guess the people at work don't read my blogs. Last night was our secretaries birthday - and we all went out for samgyeopsal after work. That of course is Korean for 'fatty bacon' - you grill the fatty bacon and after putting some onions and garlic on it, wrap it in a peace of lettuce (which resemble leaves) and eat if in one go.
Well, I eat in one go.
Along with the million side dishes you get we also ordered Kimchi Jigae (which I stopped eating fearing my non-existent shellfish allergy, bibimbap and galbi - another meat.
Galbi (a good meat here seasoned in something - pronounced Kalbee)
The communal soup - which you eat with the rice you get:
Well aware that Peer Pressure in Korea is a thriving industry I assumed I would be forced (you almost get it poured down your throat by the person sitting next to you- no jokes) to drink lots of alcohol. And lots of SoJu - which is not an alcohol but death in a bottle. So before we left for the restaurant I snuck out of work and ordered a bunch of food to soak up everything - last thing my coworkers need to see is me stumbling drunk and offering my pale emaciated body to the first taker, all the while puking in every direction.
To make a long night short - the director kept pouring myself and another new teacher Kelly (Korean) half SoJu/half beer drinks. And then everyone would start chanting the Korean equivalent for "drink! drink! drink!" - so I drank drank drank. After both amusing and disgusting everyone with my large Adam's Apple bobbing up and down while I drank - I declared that I would have no more. And then more would come. At one point I tried to use a weak cider to mask as a SoJu shot - but a girl caught me and I was forced to drink the cider and then have a new shot. Corporal Punishment.
After a Korean teacher put a spoon in a bottle it was passed around like a microphone - but no one would sing. One English coworker started to sing Britney Spears 'Crazy' in a half-hearted joking way. But the Koreans got excited and began an odd rhythmic clapping that had no real beat to it, insisting that she sing the entire song - seeing her freak out after realizing she had a full on 16 person audience - I took over and ended up singing the entire song to the roomful of Koreans and about 7 restaurant workers who thought someone was choking and came in to watch. Though I'm no Kevin Federline - I received an applause and some more SoJu - I half remember people commenting on how well I used my hands to illustrate the songs suggestive lyrics.
Then about 8 of us went to a bar called U2 and drank some more.
I woke up in my bed alone and with a headache.
...and he never drank SoJu again...until the next teachers birthday.
Leaving right from work today to go to Seoul with Kevin on the 9pm 'bullet-train'. I have to get another teacher to cover my last class as it takes a while to get to Busan Station (about an hour by subway). A cab would take even longer due to heavy traffic being the long weekend.
I'll take some pictures. By the way, I didn't take the pictures I used in todays blog, they are from Wikipedia - just in case your wondering.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Happy Valentines Day to me!
Happy Valentines Day Sophia! Sorry I didn't get you anything!
So its the day of Love here in balmy South Korea - Feb/14. I couldn't wear anything red because I spilled soy sauce on my one red shirt and neglected to clean it up so I just wore my standard hoody and jeans. Whats great about Valentines Day in Korea is that the women are the ones who give the gifts to the men. When I first heard this I was relieved as I hadn't brought in anything for the 11 women I work with. But then I learned about "white day" - an event on March 16th where men are expected to give gifts to women. I went to a small Mexican restaurant after work with a co-worker who is having sexual relations with the Korean proprietor and was bringing him a small gift (to go along with the crabs!) for V-Day. Anywhoo, this was the first time they had seen each other since their lust-filled, alcohol-fueled encounter so the awkwardness was 10-fold as I sloppily ate my beef burrito and commented to him through my salsa-induced moans that his 'tasty meat' was the best thing I'd had in my mouth for about 2 months. Awkward yet delicious! I left them soon after.
See the red box filled with chocolates on the right side of the picture? I got that from a really quiet 14-year old girl!
Apparently there is also an event called 'Black Day' for single people. I guess its the one day where berating those without significant others is okay. i'll save my wrappers from my chocolate to throw in their general lonely direction.
I also recieved a care package from my dad the other day consisting of some various Indian foods. I was very happy and began salivating at my desk. Placed next to the different tea and candy my mom sent me - I almost feel like I'm back home again. But then I step outside and smell ramen noodles and remember that I'm in South Korea.
New Years is coming up again in a few days. New Years? Again?
http://www.koreainfogate.com/aboutkorea/item.asp?src=Seollal
Just go to that link and read about it. Anyways my work gave us all this 'gift' for New Years. Since it was wrapped and heavy I naively assumed it was a chocolate cake filled with money. Imagine my surprise when I discovered it was dried chewy fruit.
Dried Chewy Fruit - An expensive South Korean delicacy (like boiled puppydog)
My Reaction (very appreciative but saddened that it was not chocolate cake)
So 2 more days until Kevin and I head to Seoul for the weekend. It'll be nice to actually explore a little bit of the country. Kevin and I will be staying in a hostel that'll cost us each about 20,000 won ($20) per night. We are also going to try to book a tour of the DMZ - but we may be too late for that. I bought us our train tickets on the KTX the other day. KTX is Koreas bullet-train that whisks us across bombed out rice-paddy fields at about 300 km/hour. Expensive though, as a return ticket for each person was just under $100.
So its the day of Love here in balmy South Korea - Feb/14. I couldn't wear anything red because I spilled soy sauce on my one red shirt and neglected to clean it up so I just wore my standard hoody and jeans. Whats great about Valentines Day in Korea is that the women are the ones who give the gifts to the men. When I first heard this I was relieved as I hadn't brought in anything for the 11 women I work with. But then I learned about "white day" - an event on March 16th where men are expected to give gifts to women. I went to a small Mexican restaurant after work with a co-worker who is having sexual relations with the Korean proprietor and was bringing him a small gift (to go along with the crabs!) for V-Day. Anywhoo, this was the first time they had seen each other since their lust-filled, alcohol-fueled encounter so the awkwardness was 10-fold as I sloppily ate my beef burrito and commented to him through my salsa-induced moans that his 'tasty meat' was the best thing I'd had in my mouth for about 2 months. Awkward yet delicious! I left them soon after.
See the red box filled with chocolates on the right side of the picture? I got that from a really quiet 14-year old girl!
Apparently there is also an event called 'Black Day' for single people. I guess its the one day where berating those without significant others is okay. i'll save my wrappers from my chocolate to throw in their general lonely direction.
I also recieved a care package from my dad the other day consisting of some various Indian foods. I was very happy and began salivating at my desk. Placed next to the different tea and candy my mom sent me - I almost feel like I'm back home again. But then I step outside and smell ramen noodles and remember that I'm in South Korea.
New Years is coming up again in a few days. New Years? Again?
http://www.koreainfogate.com/aboutkorea/item.asp?src=Seollal
Just go to that link and read about it. Anyways my work gave us all this 'gift' for New Years. Since it was wrapped and heavy I naively assumed it was a chocolate cake filled with money. Imagine my surprise when I discovered it was dried chewy fruit.
Dried Chewy Fruit - An expensive South Korean delicacy (like boiled puppydog)
My Reaction (very appreciative but saddened that it was not chocolate cake)
So 2 more days until Kevin and I head to Seoul for the weekend. It'll be nice to actually explore a little bit of the country. Kevin and I will be staying in a hostel that'll cost us each about 20,000 won ($20) per night. We are also going to try to book a tour of the DMZ - but we may be too late for that. I bought us our train tickets on the KTX the other day. KTX is Koreas bullet-train that whisks us across bombed out rice-paddy fields at about 300 km/hour. Expensive though, as a return ticket for each person was just under $100.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Chon-Wu Chon-Wu don't get too close!
Many months ago, before I defected to South Korea from Canada I attempted to preach the teachings from Chiun - the master of Sinanju (a wise Korean from the movie Remo Williams). Chiun taught Remo (a grizzled cop who everyone assumed was killed) throughout the movie by forcing him to do incredible feats of the human body that fear was only a feeling - anxiety, worry, fear of failure - 'fear cannot kill you!' By the end Remo - well, you'll just have to watch it yourself.
My point is - is that I find myself here after only 1 1/2 months, completely ignoring Chiuns wise words. Often I am negative, basically reverting back to the person I was in Canada - fearful, full of envy (damn Korean kids and their great mastery of Korean!), and afraid to do anything. Why am I afraid? Why do we fear anything? Optimistic people look at the future and visualize how it can best serve them; negative people see the future shakily and unsure due to the thick distorted goggles we leave on unnecessarily. But old habits die hard and I came to Korea to put myself through a mental boot camp - so if I am going to wear any goggles - it should damn well be Chiuns (from my gym) Arabian Goggles!. Hmmm...Chiun?
Time for another analogy!
Sometimes it seems that every channel in my head is a negative TV show - medical dramas about me dying of cancer, cop shows where they are investigating my tragic murder ('autopsy shows he was a virgin...' the coroner would shake his head and say), shitty independent films where everyone that I care about dies and I fall off my bike and become paralyzed. Well screw it! If I truly have such an active imagination than I should be able to install a satellite dish in my head and by the sheer number of channels I would get - several should be, by the sheer odds alone, positive ones. Heartwarming stories where I play matchmaker to two old people - an independent film where somebody else falls off their bike and everyone they care about dies (I teach the person how to walk again).
To quote somebody long dead and smarter than I- 'Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions' - Albert Einstein.
One of my goals is to learn Hangul so I can finally read the Korean signs that cover every store front like moles on the Russian prostitutes that work here in Korea (da, you vant dis? Show money to honey to get da honey). Of course once I can do this, it'll only help me to sound out the Korean word - next step is finding the English equivalent.
I had to bring in the Korean teacher for one class today as the lovely kids were walking all over me much like the gang members did to Michelle Pheiffer in Dangerous Minds. Next time I will just wear my leather jacket and have my feet up on the desk when they walk in. They will respect me out of pity- but its still respect.
After work I walked to Emart to get some groceries (Chef Lonely Hearts Soup for 1) and I decided to be spontaneous and get a Big Mac Combo from McDonalds - just to see if it tasted any different in Korea (it hasn't the few other times I've had it here!). So there I was stuffing my face near this gate (to guard my shopping cart which I couldn't bring inside) when this chunky Korean kid came running up wide-eyed to stare at me. He quickly waved over his effeminate brother who shrieked with delight. I looked over my shoulder, thinking that some nearby caged gorilla had just defecated into its own hand and eaten it judging by their amused, awed and disgusted look. As a ketchupy fry fell onto my lap I looked up (after using the french fry to mop up what ketchup had landed on my lap) knowing that I was the gorilla stuffing my face with shit - I was even sitting behind a gate as streams of Asians walked by me. I truly felt on display. If the father hadn't pulled the kids away I'm sure they would have tried to feed me something. I wish they had - because the combo left me hungry.
Kevin and I are planning to take the late 'bullet-train' into Seoul on Friday evening. We have tentatively booked into this hostel that should only cost us about 20,000 won each a night - compared to the 70,000 won we would each have to pay ($140 USD) if we stayed at this hotel recommended by the people I work with. There have been lots of positive comments on this hostel - and considering that I lived in one for almost 4 years - I don't imagine 3 nights will hurt (unless Kevin gets drunk and becomes mean).
My point is - is that I find myself here after only 1 1/2 months, completely ignoring Chiuns wise words. Often I am negative, basically reverting back to the person I was in Canada - fearful, full of envy (damn Korean kids and their great mastery of Korean!), and afraid to do anything. Why am I afraid? Why do we fear anything? Optimistic people look at the future and visualize how it can best serve them; negative people see the future shakily and unsure due to the thick distorted goggles we leave on unnecessarily. But old habits die hard and I came to Korea to put myself through a mental boot camp - so if I am going to wear any goggles - it should damn well be Chiuns (from my gym) Arabian Goggles!. Hmmm...Chiun?
Time for another analogy!
Sometimes it seems that every channel in my head is a negative TV show - medical dramas about me dying of cancer, cop shows where they are investigating my tragic murder ('autopsy shows he was a virgin...' the coroner would shake his head and say), shitty independent films where everyone that I care about dies and I fall off my bike and become paralyzed. Well screw it! If I truly have such an active imagination than I should be able to install a satellite dish in my head and by the sheer number of channels I would get - several should be, by the sheer odds alone, positive ones. Heartwarming stories where I play matchmaker to two old people - an independent film where somebody else falls off their bike and everyone they care about dies (I teach the person how to walk again).
To quote somebody long dead and smarter than I- 'Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions' - Albert Einstein.
One of my goals is to learn Hangul so I can finally read the Korean signs that cover every store front like moles on the Russian prostitutes that work here in Korea (da, you vant dis? Show money to honey to get da honey). Of course once I can do this, it'll only help me to sound out the Korean word - next step is finding the English equivalent.
I had to bring in the Korean teacher for one class today as the lovely kids were walking all over me much like the gang members did to Michelle Pheiffer in Dangerous Minds. Next time I will just wear my leather jacket and have my feet up on the desk when they walk in. They will respect me out of pity- but its still respect.
After work I walked to Emart to get some groceries (Chef Lonely Hearts Soup for 1) and I decided to be spontaneous and get a Big Mac Combo from McDonalds - just to see if it tasted any different in Korea (it hasn't the few other times I've had it here!). So there I was stuffing my face near this gate (to guard my shopping cart which I couldn't bring inside) when this chunky Korean kid came running up wide-eyed to stare at me. He quickly waved over his effeminate brother who shrieked with delight. I looked over my shoulder, thinking that some nearby caged gorilla had just defecated into its own hand and eaten it judging by their amused, awed and disgusted look. As a ketchupy fry fell onto my lap I looked up (after using the french fry to mop up what ketchup had landed on my lap) knowing that I was the gorilla stuffing my face with shit - I was even sitting behind a gate as streams of Asians walked by me. I truly felt on display. If the father hadn't pulled the kids away I'm sure they would have tried to feed me something. I wish they had - because the combo left me hungry.
Kevin and I are planning to take the late 'bullet-train' into Seoul on Friday evening. We have tentatively booked into this hostel that should only cost us about 20,000 won each a night - compared to the 70,000 won we would each have to pay ($140 USD) if we stayed at this hotel recommended by the people I work with. There have been lots of positive comments on this hostel - and considering that I lived in one for almost 4 years - I don't imagine 3 nights will hurt (unless Kevin gets drunk and becomes mean).
Saturday, February 10, 2007
....and he never drank Whiskey again
No - there was no falling/puking out of a cab this time - just a lonely walk home at about 4 in the morning - and a drunken conversation with my older brother.
Went to a foreigner party last night (Friday night). Kevin was drafted as my wing-man (failing the physical outright). We arrived at around midnight and the party was in full swing. There were at least 50+ foreigners and not a Korean in sight. It was an odd experience being able to understand every conversation. It was also weird when everyone ignored me - it was like I was back home again! Anyhow my wingman and I got settled in and suddenly Kevin became Maverick (Tom Cruises character in Top Gun) chatting with a bunch of unknowns while I morphed into his less appealing friend Goose who dies early on while everyone goes on with their lives (hence my leaving early). As I walked down the street away from the party I could still hear the music blaring, they didn't switch it off when I left. Like Anna Nicole Smith - I will simply be remembered as that ditzy blonde who left the 'party' before my time - remembered only for some drunken escapades.
I woke up incredibly dehydrated as I forgot to drink any water before going to sleep and had neglected to refill my humidifier - so it was several hours of choking and hacking phlegm. Busy morning!
Later on Kevin and I had our naked fun Spa time at the usual place - this opulent spa in the same area where we got lost climbing down the mountain. Being a Saturday afternoon it was packed with Korean men of all ages from 2-80+. Again, Kevin offered to be my wingman but I informed him it wouldn't be necessary - he sulked for a bit but cheered up once we began naked fun spa time. It was much louder than usual with kids running around doing cannonballs into the various 'baths' so I spent a fair bit of my time outside (you should hear the laughs from the amused patrons!). One of my favourite things to do in the spa (aside from the people watching) is in the open air area - which was quite chilly tonight - where you immerse yourself in this freezing cold 'bath' for a few minnutes until shivering before modestly (shrinkage to the enth degree) making the short run to the nearby extremly hot 'bath'. I did this several times but left after getting annoyed at the various Korean teenagers who, in their various stages of puberty and maturity shrieked whenever they dared each other to jump in the cold bath. Sure I squealed once or twice - but that was only when I briefly became female upon entering the cold water myself.
Kevin meanwhile had fallen asleep on one of the many deckchairs inside - when he woke up he was quite groggy for the remainder of the evening - I personally wouldn't trust myself falling asleep bare ass naked due to the fact that my subconscious mind is in reality a run-down porn theater that never closes.
So we went our separate ways - deciding that a good nights sleep was probably a smarter choice than my suggestion of beer and grillhouse.
Maybe Sunday!
Went to a foreigner party last night (Friday night). Kevin was drafted as my wing-man (failing the physical outright). We arrived at around midnight and the party was in full swing. There were at least 50+ foreigners and not a Korean in sight. It was an odd experience being able to understand every conversation. It was also weird when everyone ignored me - it was like I was back home again! Anyhow my wingman and I got settled in and suddenly Kevin became Maverick (Tom Cruises character in Top Gun) chatting with a bunch of unknowns while I morphed into his less appealing friend Goose who dies early on while everyone goes on with their lives (hence my leaving early). As I walked down the street away from the party I could still hear the music blaring, they didn't switch it off when I left. Like Anna Nicole Smith - I will simply be remembered as that ditzy blonde who left the 'party' before my time - remembered only for some drunken escapades.
I woke up incredibly dehydrated as I forgot to drink any water before going to sleep and had neglected to refill my humidifier - so it was several hours of choking and hacking phlegm. Busy morning!
Later on Kevin and I had our naked fun Spa time at the usual place - this opulent spa in the same area where we got lost climbing down the mountain. Being a Saturday afternoon it was packed with Korean men of all ages from 2-80+. Again, Kevin offered to be my wingman but I informed him it wouldn't be necessary - he sulked for a bit but cheered up once we began naked fun spa time. It was much louder than usual with kids running around doing cannonballs into the various 'baths' so I spent a fair bit of my time outside (you should hear the laughs from the amused patrons!). One of my favourite things to do in the spa (aside from the people watching) is in the open air area - which was quite chilly tonight - where you immerse yourself in this freezing cold 'bath' for a few minnutes until shivering before modestly (shrinkage to the enth degree) making the short run to the nearby extremly hot 'bath'. I did this several times but left after getting annoyed at the various Korean teenagers who, in their various stages of puberty and maturity shrieked whenever they dared each other to jump in the cold bath. Sure I squealed once or twice - but that was only when I briefly became female upon entering the cold water myself.
Kevin meanwhile had fallen asleep on one of the many deckchairs inside - when he woke up he was quite groggy for the remainder of the evening - I personally wouldn't trust myself falling asleep bare ass naked due to the fact that my subconscious mind is in reality a run-down porn theater that never closes.
So we went our separate ways - deciding that a good nights sleep was probably a smarter choice than my suggestion of beer and grillhouse.
Maybe Sunday!
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Wow....I really hate all of you!
Now before I get a whole bunch of "comments" that I have to 'remember that I'm teaching kids', 'I should prep a lot more', 'its your first time teaching', etc. just save your breath and your not-in-Haeundae-South-Korea-advice for another time. I know all this stuff- but that doesn't make my trigger finger less itchier. Hates a strong word I know, so how about I hate them less on some days and more on others. For example, I don't mind them at all on Saturdays! And remember I speak only of the majority - not the tiny minority who are cute Korean kids with chunky faces and funny accents.
This morning I had the little guy Max who was recently released from a mental institution brought on by his forced learning of English thanks to his "Eng-Ga-Rish is so good for you!" mother. He spoke a few words from a dialogue incorrectly and began muttering something in English (which was nice) when I tried to correct him. His mutterings made less sense than the usual Korean child but appeared much more like he was speaking in tongues (Koreans speak English when they get possessed I've heard) - so for the next half hour I just let him draw on the board and play with the markers. Interestingly enough, he actually did color two red dots on himself - can you guess where they were? Yup - one on each of the palm of his little 5-year old hands. True story. If I had my camera I would've taken a picture (though the flash may have caused him to attack me)
See you next Thursday Max!
The next class was one of my large lippy ones - thankfully their Korean teacher Lucy (who can usually be heard screaming at them as well) provided me with an activity where they had to partner up, and after rolling a dice with pictures of body parts pasted onto them - had to then cut out that particualr body part from a sheet of paper provided to them and glue it onto a faceless, legless, armless 'thing' on another sheet. Seeing anything as work they groaned and complained but got down to it. Sweet! I thought- just 49 more minutes to go. Fast forward 20 minutes and I am still sweating as they are all cheerlessly cutting out every body part and pasting them onto any orifice of the poor persons multi-limbed freakish body (yes Craig, just like Robocop 3!) - oblivious to the dice sitting on their desks. I even brought in a Korean teacher to explain what they were supposed to be doing - but to no avail - 45 minutes later the monsters had created their own monsters. As a last ditch effort to be creative I asked them to give their monsters names - not surprisingly 7 of the 10 monsters were christened 'Ken'.
So I threw them all out!
My 3rd class were younger students who, though very loud (one of them is such an attention seeker that she was heaving and sobbing the other day when I wouldn't allow her to take my marker and throw it across the room) are usually manageable. Not today. Their level is so basic that the material they are given can be taught in a matter of minutes - todays lesson went exactly like this:
Owl - Who are you?
Baby Bird- I'm a baby bird. Are you my mother? I am looking for my mother.
So they repeat it after hearing it on the CD- then I repeat it and they repeat it again and then they go back and forth. Since they know all the family names (Grandpa, Grandma, etc.) I tried having them name as many animals as they could. After we named about 25 I tried to get them to tell me what the animals would be called if they were babies (only knowing about 3 myself)- I 'aborted' this little lesson after a girl questioned where a baby-horse came from if not hatched from an egg? - knowing precious little myself and getting stage fright atthe idea of doing my 'method-acting' charades, I explained that they simply crawled out of the mothers mouth when she was sleeping.
Sufficed to say, though I had introduced a new Sex-Ed course I had only killed about 15 minutes out of the 50. Too low-level for even word-searches (like all Korean children - providing any kind of activity where they have to think causes many to get angry) and probably all very tired from having been at regular school all day they began to scream - first one than another. I clapped to quiet them - they screamed louder. I turned off the lights they screamed - I ordered the ringscreamer into the hallway but since he didn't (or wouldn't) understand they continued screaming.
Hangman shut them up for the remainder of the class - the only thing I enjoyed was being a very little man by insulting them as they wouldn't understand me (had to use words like diarrhea since they would know the words 'shit' and 'poo' and wouldn't remember how to say diarrhea after class).
Oh to be hung myself! (shut-up Sophia and any others who are thinking mean untrue vindictive lies!)
My next class wasn't as bad but there are a few new students and many are at varying levels of English. Naturally the smartest one is the mouthiest and since I can't give him word-searches (since his drooling low-level friends sitting nearby will insist on helping him) he just corrects other students pronunciations before I can to impress everyone. One good thing is that their general level of English (except for the really stupid rude one Jack who wears his jogging pants past his belly button everyday) is high enough that we can brainstorm certain words - the bad thing is that I can't insult them when they annoy me (except for Jack, whom I whisper things to when I am next to him involving his jogging pants and the liberal use of the word retarded).
My last class had 2 guys in it who can basically speak little to no English but are polite and quiet. Their lessons basically consist of one line - we play the CD, listen carefully and then say the words clearly. They take little risks and repeat the words. If they are wrong they blush a bit and try again until they get it right. I tell you when both of them finally said the sentence properly tonight I almost cried I was so proud of them. True story.
Did it make everything worthwhile?
Are you out of your fucking mind!? No!
This morning I had the little guy Max who was recently released from a mental institution brought on by his forced learning of English thanks to his "Eng-Ga-Rish is so good for you!" mother. He spoke a few words from a dialogue incorrectly and began muttering something in English (which was nice) when I tried to correct him. His mutterings made less sense than the usual Korean child but appeared much more like he was speaking in tongues (Koreans speak English when they get possessed I've heard) - so for the next half hour I just let him draw on the board and play with the markers. Interestingly enough, he actually did color two red dots on himself - can you guess where they were? Yup - one on each of the palm of his little 5-year old hands. True story. If I had my camera I would've taken a picture (though the flash may have caused him to attack me)
See you next Thursday Max!
The next class was one of my large lippy ones - thankfully their Korean teacher Lucy (who can usually be heard screaming at them as well) provided me with an activity where they had to partner up, and after rolling a dice with pictures of body parts pasted onto them - had to then cut out that particualr body part from a sheet of paper provided to them and glue it onto a faceless, legless, armless 'thing' on another sheet. Seeing anything as work they groaned and complained but got down to it. Sweet! I thought- just 49 more minutes to go. Fast forward 20 minutes and I am still sweating as they are all cheerlessly cutting out every body part and pasting them onto any orifice of the poor persons multi-limbed freakish body (yes Craig, just like Robocop 3!) - oblivious to the dice sitting on their desks. I even brought in a Korean teacher to explain what they were supposed to be doing - but to no avail - 45 minutes later the monsters had created their own monsters. As a last ditch effort to be creative I asked them to give their monsters names - not surprisingly 7 of the 10 monsters were christened 'Ken'.
So I threw them all out!
My 3rd class were younger students who, though very loud (one of them is such an attention seeker that she was heaving and sobbing the other day when I wouldn't allow her to take my marker and throw it across the room) are usually manageable. Not today. Their level is so basic that the material they are given can be taught in a matter of minutes - todays lesson went exactly like this:
Owl - Who are you?
Baby Bird- I'm a baby bird. Are you my mother? I am looking for my mother.
So they repeat it after hearing it on the CD- then I repeat it and they repeat it again and then they go back and forth. Since they know all the family names (Grandpa, Grandma, etc.) I tried having them name as many animals as they could. After we named about 25 I tried to get them to tell me what the animals would be called if they were babies (only knowing about 3 myself)- I 'aborted' this little lesson after a girl questioned where a baby-horse came from if not hatched from an egg? - knowing precious little myself and getting stage fright atthe idea of doing my 'method-acting' charades, I explained that they simply crawled out of the mothers mouth when she was sleeping.
Sufficed to say, though I had introduced a new Sex-Ed course I had only killed about 15 minutes out of the 50. Too low-level for even word-searches (like all Korean children - providing any kind of activity where they have to think causes many to get angry) and probably all very tired from having been at regular school all day they began to scream - first one than another. I clapped to quiet them - they screamed louder. I turned off the lights they screamed - I ordered the ringscreamer into the hallway but since he didn't (or wouldn't) understand they continued screaming.
Hangman shut them up for the remainder of the class - the only thing I enjoyed was being a very little man by insulting them as they wouldn't understand me (had to use words like diarrhea since they would know the words 'shit' and 'poo' and wouldn't remember how to say diarrhea after class).
Oh to be hung myself! (shut-up Sophia and any others who are thinking mean untrue vindictive lies!)
My next class wasn't as bad but there are a few new students and many are at varying levels of English. Naturally the smartest one is the mouthiest and since I can't give him word-searches (since his drooling low-level friends sitting nearby will insist on helping him) he just corrects other students pronunciations before I can to impress everyone. One good thing is that their general level of English (except for the really stupid rude one Jack who wears his jogging pants past his belly button everyday) is high enough that we can brainstorm certain words - the bad thing is that I can't insult them when they annoy me (except for Jack, whom I whisper things to when I am next to him involving his jogging pants and the liberal use of the word retarded).
My last class had 2 guys in it who can basically speak little to no English but are polite and quiet. Their lessons basically consist of one line - we play the CD, listen carefully and then say the words clearly. They take little risks and repeat the words. If they are wrong they blush a bit and try again until they get it right. I tell you when both of them finally said the sentence properly tonight I almost cried I was so proud of them. True story.
Did it make everything worthwhile?
Are you out of your fucking mind!? No!
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
3 days strong!
So I've pretty much recovered from my recent bout with the angry SoJu God and am on my way to living a full alcohol free life!
What?
Yeah - I know I've said this about a 1000 times before, yes I know its not the first time I've puked on people trying to help me (or make love to me), and yes I know I always have a drink again about 3 days later because someone nearby (friend or stranger) convinces me that life without booze is like going swimming without goggles (how can you really see what treasures the world has to offer?) - but this time I'm serious - no booze for 1 month! Did I say forever? I didn't mean forever forever - only 1 month forever.
When was the last time you went 1 WHOLE week without any kind of alcoholic beverage? I don't think I ever have. From my first sip of stolen Vermouth to my midnight chugs of Kahlua, alcohol has pretty much helped me be the person I am today.
A lonely pale adult who doesn't know what he wants from life that writes blogs to an audience of 7 (12 if you count my older brothers chins and ankle chins). And I have a big zit on my cheek. The SoJu perhaps? Or the sugary gum on the sidewalk I rested my cheek on after falling/diving out of the cab?
Is this even possible? Obviously I am going to drink again (for there are so many more laps I need to throw up violently on) but I just want to see if I can actually go for 5 full days - remember, my 'date night' with Kevin usually consists of Naked Fun Spa Time followed by Grill House Hungry Hour (closing with Angry Spanking Say Goodnight). I must have beer there - as beer with grillhouse is like the internet and pornography...you simply cannot have one without the other - its physically impossible and morally wrong. Okay? Its wrong. The porno is there so if my computer malfunctions and sends me to these "teen" websites that offer 3-day free memberships than who the hell am I to refuse? A pervert? Maybe, but at least I'm not an alcoholic.
Even moderation must be done in moderation right? Good! So no liquor until tomorrow afternoon.
Quickly what else- uh uh -oh yeah - after my first SoJu blackout night I had a fever and chills all night the next day. Kevin believes it was the ethanol from the SoJu making its way out through the vivid hallucinations I had. The next night I woke up dripping with sweat about 5 times - Chin (from the gym) explained that it as most likely my body just overheating from my "red hot ass".
Can't really complain (which I like to do) about work as today my day went as follows:
- Waddled in at 2pm and used my first PREP period to try and paste my face onto a company photo (ended up crashing the computer instead so I blamed a kid I knew would take the fall because he's scared of white people)
- Taught 4 classes (but 2 were only 25 minutes long each) so really I only worked 3 hours today.
- Spent my last 2 PREP hours reading various Toronto newspapers and bragging to the various Korean teachers that I had an Uncle in Canada who went outside for 5 minutes and had to get a toe amputated recently - it was THAT cold.
By the way - it was so hot today that windows had to be opened here. I actually have my air conditioner on right now because my apartment is too warm.
Maybe a beer will cool me down.
What?
Yeah - I know I've said this about a 1000 times before, yes I know its not the first time I've puked on people trying to help me (or make love to me), and yes I know I always have a drink again about 3 days later because someone nearby (friend or stranger) convinces me that life without booze is like going swimming without goggles (how can you really see what treasures the world has to offer?) - but this time I'm serious - no booze for 1 month! Did I say forever? I didn't mean forever forever - only 1 month forever.
When was the last time you went 1 WHOLE week without any kind of alcoholic beverage? I don't think I ever have. From my first sip of stolen Vermouth to my midnight chugs of Kahlua, alcohol has pretty much helped me be the person I am today.
A lonely pale adult who doesn't know what he wants from life that writes blogs to an audience of 7 (12 if you count my older brothers chins and ankle chins). And I have a big zit on my cheek. The SoJu perhaps? Or the sugary gum on the sidewalk I rested my cheek on after falling/diving out of the cab?
Is this even possible? Obviously I am going to drink again (for there are so many more laps I need to throw up violently on) but I just want to see if I can actually go for 5 full days - remember, my 'date night' with Kevin usually consists of Naked Fun Spa Time followed by Grill House Hungry Hour (closing with Angry Spanking Say Goodnight). I must have beer there - as beer with grillhouse is like the internet and pornography...you simply cannot have one without the other - its physically impossible and morally wrong. Okay? Its wrong. The porno is there so if my computer malfunctions and sends me to these "teen" websites that offer 3-day free memberships than who the hell am I to refuse? A pervert? Maybe, but at least I'm not an alcoholic.
Even moderation must be done in moderation right? Good! So no liquor until tomorrow afternoon.
Quickly what else- uh uh -oh yeah - after my first SoJu blackout night I had a fever and chills all night the next day. Kevin believes it was the ethanol from the SoJu making its way out through the vivid hallucinations I had. The next night I woke up dripping with sweat about 5 times - Chin (from the gym) explained that it as most likely my body just overheating from my "red hot ass".
Can't really complain (which I like to do) about work as today my day went as follows:
- Waddled in at 2pm and used my first PREP period to try and paste my face onto a company photo (ended up crashing the computer instead so I blamed a kid I knew would take the fall because he's scared of white people)
- Taught 4 classes (but 2 were only 25 minutes long each) so really I only worked 3 hours today.
- Spent my last 2 PREP hours reading various Toronto newspapers and bragging to the various Korean teachers that I had an Uncle in Canada who went outside for 5 minutes and had to get a toe amputated recently - it was THAT cold.
By the way - it was so hot today that windows had to be opened here. I actually have my air conditioner on right now because my apartment is too warm.
Maybe a beer will cool me down.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
And he never drank SoJu again...
There are several things that ESL teachers who are either currently in Korea, or have come back from Korea have in common with one another. Here are the few that I have gathered over the past month and a half:
1- People will stare at you - in some areas its much subtler as they are used to seeing a white face - other areas not so much.
2- Stories about how much they hated/loved teaching
3- The various stages of "Culture Shock" that everyone inevitably goes through
4- The dirtiness that Korea is famous for
5- The Konglish that never ceases to amuse foreigners (Happy for you I so cheerfully clean!! - On a box of laundry detergent)
6- Girls putting their hands in front of their faces when laughing (a general Asian thing)
7- The absolute necessity in having a humidifier in the winter and an air conditioner in the summer.
8- The 'yellow death fog' that envelopes Korea every spring for a month(thanks China!), apparently this spring will be one of the worst in recent years.
9- The wake-up call from grocers who insist on driving through small streets blaring what they have to sell at 6am (so Kevin tells me).
10- The insane driving by both cars and especially motorcycles/scooters. Student drivers that you see in slow moving yellow cars are even worse
11- Puke on the road due to Koreas enormous fondness of drinking, and the occasional Korean taking a brief drunken nap wherever they feel like it
12- At least one SoJu blackout
So I met up with Eunhee yesterday and her friend Anderson in Seomymeon where we went for dinner and ate something called Shabu Shabu (a big soup with thin slices of beef). Being very sad that Kevin refused to join me for dinner and have naked fun Spa time with me earlier I dejectedly ordered some beer (well, they did) and we slowly drank a couple of bottles talking about nothing in general...from what I remember. Being the generous guy that I am I paid for dinner - Anderson promptly insisted on paying for "Eechum!" which means "Round 2"...I think. So off we went next door to a Korean 'pub' (that looks like the inside of a beer tent at an outdoor concert) that serves SoJu and raw Octopus. Being the daring adventurer that I am I ate several pieces of the rubbery recently killed sea creature and downed shot after shot after shot after shot of SoJu...this I know. 4 bottles later I was pretty buzzed but surprised how coherent I was. Then a SoJu girl appeared out of nowhere and gave us a free bottle of a newer brand of SoJu (now with more Ethanol!). 5 bottles...
THIS PICTURE WAS TAKEN AT THE SAME TIME AS THE TOP PHOTO AFTER I WAS TOLD BY EUNHEE TO TRY TO LOOK LESS DRUNK.
We met up with Eunhees other friend who seemed to be very quiet (and nameless because I've long forgotten what her name was) and went to an actual bar. After ordering a large pitcher of beer and fruit with some kind of topping over it I tried to engage the new girl in conversation - then she started to spin round and round - and Anderson began to bob up and down - Eunhee sounded like Charlie Browns mom - the SoJu had hit me hard all at once and I was going down for the count.
The remainder of the night is completely lost to me (if Eunhee ever wants to hang out again I am sure she'll fill me in over some warm milk). There are only a couple of images I remember. At one point I was in a cab as Eunhee thankfully knew I was completely useless to get home. I was sitting quietly trying desperately not to throw up, primarily failing in not telling Eunhee that I had already puked moments earlier, filling my mouth with SoJu, Chabu, octopus, and fruit. Naturally the 2nd round of puke (eechum!) had to go somewhere because there wasn't room for anymore in my mouth- Eunhee noticed that my cheeks were completely puffed out and tried heroically to get the cab over to the side of the road- but it was just an instant too late.
Instead the contents landed 30% in the cab, 25% on Eunhees pants, 20% on my pants and the remaining 25% somewhere in Korea. I definitely threw up some more - but it was on the ground and thus not worth describing.
I remember looking up and seeing the cabbie cleaning his car and than waking up in my bed - with a splitting headache and no recollection of what had happened over the past 11 hours.
Getting up and moving gingerly around I noticed that I had carefully placed my money in a tupperware container, placed my shoes safely on the drying rack, positioned the garbage can from my bathroom against the front door - and was fully clothed.
And he never drank SoJu again.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Friday!
Its Friday again! Teaching English to Korean kids is the first "job" I've had that doesn't require me to work weekends so just let me be happy okay?
Quick blog...because I have nothing to say, and nothing much has happened.
Uhhhh...the guy who lived here before me came back from Thailand and took all of his stuff back. I tried to hide the tupperware he had left under my bed, along with the slow cooker, toaster, and kettle but he actually thought to look under there and found it all. I would've been embarrassed if I hadn't been so pissed off. He is making me pay some cash for the curtains he had to have installed - which though I think is bullshit - I really don't have much of a choice as not only will he just remove them and give them to a friend to spite me - the money it will cost me is not worth the effort of finding new curtains, and I will lose someone who knows and shares a fair bit of info. about Korea, Thailand, Laos, etc. So I'll just pay him and shut my big mouth. He left his peanut butter too.
Also, we have gone back to the regular schedule, as the little Korean monsters have returned to public school again. So our 10-5 is now 2-8 with the occasional "prep" period in between classes where I usually spend sitting on the can reading a book. We have also been given some new classes - which is good and bad. Good if you like the students, bad if a Korean teacher warns you prior to your first class on a Thursday afternoon that the class you are about to teach has only one student named Max who was recently discharged from a mental hospital after a breakdown during too intense English lessons at GnB (my company) forced on him by his overbearing overachieving Korean mother.
This isn't a joke.
As the teacher told me this, I was laughing since I believed it was yet another poorly-timed Korean joke until other English teachers walked by and mentioned in shocked and slightly upset faces, "oh....Max is BACK from the hospital?". So after quietly crapping myself which I tend to do in stressful situations I waited for my 2:00 class to begin. By 2:25 there was no insane 5 year old stabbing others so I was happy. The Korean teacher was a little worried as Max's mother is also a little insane and insists that she speak to the English teacher before and after class and shows up 1/2 hour before class to make her rounds. And since Max hadn't shown up yet - there could have been some problems, remember this was his first day back since being "releasd".
So he eventually arrived, his mother called from the parking garage and explained howMax could only handle 1/2 hour today and that she would try to get him upstairs soon. I briefly met his mom and just tried to keep him as calm as possible throughout class. We read a brief "dialogue" that he knew well and I asked him basic questions about his age, family, etc. But whenever he held his head in angst (which he did several times) I made for the door or held a stick to subdue him if necessary. He eventually found solace in the CD remote control (turning it up to volume 10 and shrieking) so I allowed him to just play with it until class was over. I still had a full day ahead of me, so getting little accomplished with him was fine.
Imagine my surprise today when his Korean teacher approached me and explained that Max's mom had called and complained that she didn't appreciate how the new English teahcer instructed 'Max' to memorize the 'entire' book during that 1/2 an hour class. I informed the Korean teacher Sky that not only was Max crazy and full of shit but his mom was an idiot as well for believing such an unbelievable lie.
Turns out his mom is paying for hour lessons every day (it costs parents $2000 or so a month for twice a week classes), but is only making him take 1/2 an hour a day lessons...so it will take him longer to go nuts again.
TGIF!
Quick blog...because I have nothing to say, and nothing much has happened.
Uhhhh...the guy who lived here before me came back from Thailand and took all of his stuff back. I tried to hide the tupperware he had left under my bed, along with the slow cooker, toaster, and kettle but he actually thought to look under there and found it all. I would've been embarrassed if I hadn't been so pissed off. He is making me pay some cash for the curtains he had to have installed - which though I think is bullshit - I really don't have much of a choice as not only will he just remove them and give them to a friend to spite me - the money it will cost me is not worth the effort of finding new curtains, and I will lose someone who knows and shares a fair bit of info. about Korea, Thailand, Laos, etc. So I'll just pay him and shut my big mouth. He left his peanut butter too.
Also, we have gone back to the regular schedule, as the little Korean monsters have returned to public school again. So our 10-5 is now 2-8 with the occasional "prep" period in between classes where I usually spend sitting on the can reading a book. We have also been given some new classes - which is good and bad. Good if you like the students, bad if a Korean teacher warns you prior to your first class on a Thursday afternoon that the class you are about to teach has only one student named Max who was recently discharged from a mental hospital after a breakdown during too intense English lessons at GnB (my company) forced on him by his overbearing overachieving Korean mother.
This isn't a joke.
As the teacher told me this, I was laughing since I believed it was yet another poorly-timed Korean joke until other English teachers walked by and mentioned in shocked and slightly upset faces, "oh....Max is BACK from the hospital?". So after quietly crapping myself which I tend to do in stressful situations I waited for my 2:00 class to begin. By 2:25 there was no insane 5 year old stabbing others so I was happy. The Korean teacher was a little worried as Max's mother is also a little insane and insists that she speak to the English teacher before and after class and shows up 1/2 hour before class to make her rounds. And since Max hadn't shown up yet - there could have been some problems, remember this was his first day back since being "releasd".
So he eventually arrived, his mother called from the parking garage and explained howMax could only handle 1/2 hour today and that she would try to get him upstairs soon. I briefly met his mom and just tried to keep him as calm as possible throughout class. We read a brief "dialogue" that he knew well and I asked him basic questions about his age, family, etc. But whenever he held his head in angst (which he did several times) I made for the door or held a stick to subdue him if necessary. He eventually found solace in the CD remote control (turning it up to volume 10 and shrieking) so I allowed him to just play with it until class was over. I still had a full day ahead of me, so getting little accomplished with him was fine.
Imagine my surprise today when his Korean teacher approached me and explained that Max's mom had called and complained that she didn't appreciate how the new English teahcer instructed 'Max' to memorize the 'entire' book during that 1/2 an hour class. I informed the Korean teacher Sky that not only was Max crazy and full of shit but his mom was an idiot as well for believing such an unbelievable lie.
Turns out his mom is paying for hour lessons every day (it costs parents $2000 or so a month for twice a week classes), but is only making him take 1/2 an hour a day lessons...so it will take him longer to go nuts again.
TGIF!
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